Boerseun Posted June 2, 2009 Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 The Funniest Joke in the Entire World According to Boerseun: So the bear and the rabbit goes for a crap in the forest. After much smalltalk while "on the job", the bear asks the rabbit if he's got any problems with crap sticking to his fur. "No," said the rabbit. "I can't say that I've ever had a problem with that." So the bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his *** with him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boerseun Posted June 2, 2009 Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 Okay.... come over to the Dark Side for a spell: Q: What's got two legs and bleeds a lot? :QuestionM:lol::);):):D A: Half a bunny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pyrotex Posted June 2, 2009 Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 Boerseun, those were MUCH better! :hihi:...do you have a problem with crap sticking to your fur?...:hihi: ;) So, this Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says:Please make me one with everything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moontanman Posted June 2, 2009 Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 Fixing the economic crisis! This is from an article in the St. Petersburg Times Newspaper (Fla) on Sunday. The Business Section asked readers for ideas on "How Would You Fix the Economy?" I think this guy nailed it! Dear Mr. President, Please find below my suggestion for fixing America’s economy. Instead of giving billions of dollars to companies that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan: There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force. - Pay them $1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations: 1) They MUST retire. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed. 2) They MUST buy a new American CAR. Forty million cars ordered - AutoIndustry fixed. 3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - HousingCrisis fixed. It can't get any easier than that! P.S. If more money is needed, have all members in Congress and their constituents pay their taxes... The author forgot to say- 40 million VOTES. That would seal the deal! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sanctus Posted June 2, 2009 Report Share Posted June 2, 2009 Solutions can be so simple...liked it Moon. A maths one just heard: there is a party of the mathematical functions and operators, there is the square root getting drunk, the natural logarithm trying to hit on the Heaviside function, the derivative and the limit having a a smoke together, but the exponential is all alone standing against the wall. So the integral goes to it and asks "dear exponential, why don't you try to integrate yourself a bit?", the exponential juist makes a sad face and says "it doesn't matter, all stays the same, I never change..." I met also some more math people so here another one (maybe both of them are old, but I never heard them):there is the x and the [math]e^x[/math] discussing and then the x says how scared it is of the derivative because then if he doesn't want to disappear he always has to run. The [math]e^x[/math] tries to have some compassion, but says that it can't really understand because for it nothing happens. Suddenly the derivative is coming, so x starts to run and the [math]e^x[/math] wants to help (and show off a bit, maybe to hit on x) and yells to the derivative "here I am, come to me, you can't to me nothing since I am [math]e^x[/math]" and derivative just replies " and I am [math]\frac{d}{dy}[/math]..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
REASON Posted June 3, 2009 Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 Fixing the economic crisis! This is from an article in the St. Petersburg Times Newspaper (Fla) on Sunday. The Business Section asked readers for ideas on "How Would You Fix the Economy?" I think this guy nailed it! Dear Mr. President, Please find below my suggestion for fixing America’s economy. Instead of giving billions of dollars to companies that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan: There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force. - Pay them $1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations: 1) They MUST retire. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed. 2) They MUST buy a new American CAR. Forty million cars ordered - AutoIndustry fixed. 3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - HousingCrisis fixed. It can't get any easier than that! P.S. If more money is needed, have all members in Congress and their constituents pay their taxes... The author forgot to say- 40 million VOTES. That would seal the deal! Only problem is that would cost the taxpayers 40 trillion dollars. Talk about a budget deficit - Holy ****, Batman! Now that's what I call a stymie-us package. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pyrotex Posted June 3, 2009 Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 Only problem is that would cost the taxpayers 40 trillion dollars. ...Only 40 trillion dollars?That sounds like a bargain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeztar Posted June 3, 2009 Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 Only 40 trillion dollars?That sounds like a bargain. Well, I wasn't going to say anything, but since it's being repeated, it would actually be 40 million, not trillion. 40 million people x $1 million/people = $40 million That's chump change in bail-out terms.Heck, give every American (what, 270 million now?) a million dollars. That's still only $270 million. Again, this is chump change, but talk about a stimulus! (and a ridiculous unemployment rate :D) It's an interesting idea, but try getting workaholics over 50 to retire with only a million dollars, let alone making it compulsory to buy an American car and a house. I don't think Trump would go along with it. You're fired. We now return to the regular broadcast of Quality Humor... sanctus 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thunderbird Posted June 3, 2009 Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 40 million people x $1 million/people = $40 million 40 million people x $1 million/people = $40 trillion Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
REASON Posted June 3, 2009 Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 Well, I wasn't going to say anything, but since it's being repeated, it would actually be 40 million, not trillion. 40 million people x $1 million/people = $40 million Huh? :D 40,000,000 x 1 = 40,000,000 40,000,000 x 1,000,000 = 40,000,000,000,000 (I think this is what T-bird is trying to say) If you were to give 1 million dollars to 40 million people it will cost you 40 trillion dollars. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phillip1882 Posted June 3, 2009 Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 a lesson in taxes------------------------------------ ten men drink together. the normal bill is 100 dollars for drinking. but they spilt the bill in the following way. the first 4 guys (the poorest) pay nothing. they drink for free. the fifth guy pays 1 dollar, the 6th guy pays 3 dollars, 7th guy pays 6 dollars, 8th guy pays 15 dollars, the 9th guy pays 25 dollars, and the 10th guy (the richest) pays 50 dollars. all are happy with the arrangement. then the barkeep says, "all right guys, you have been drinking here a while now, so from now on i'll give you a discount and the bill will be 80 dollars." but now they had a dilemma, how to divide up the new bill? the richest suggested the following, now the first 5 guys would drink for free, the 6th guy would drink for 2 dollars, the 7th guy would drink for 5 dollars, the 8th guy would drink for 13 dollars, the 9th guy would drink 20 dollars, and the he would pick up the remaining 40 dollars. "Wait a minute!" said the other guys, "that's not fair, we got very little of the 20 dollar discount, you pay 10 dollars less while the rest of us only pay a dollar or two less!" so they beat up the richest guy, and decided to drink without him, but when the bill came due they realized they didn't have enough money between them to pay the bill! and this may friends is how the tax system works, when taxes are lessened the richest benefit the most as they pay the most in taxes, while the poor get very little in tax relief. and if you tax the rich too much they may just decide to leave everyone else with the bill. Turtle 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeztar Posted June 3, 2009 Report Share Posted June 3, 2009 Huh? :D 40,000,000 x 1 = 40,000,000 40,000,000 x 1,000,000 = 40,000,000,000,000 (I think this is what T-bird is trying to say) If you were to give 1 million dollars to 40 million people it will cost you 40 trillion dollars. Wow, talk about a brain fart... I can't believe I did that. :eek: Programmers Drinking Song 99 little bugs in the code,99 bugs in the code,fix one bug, compile it again,101 little bugs in the code.101 little bugs in the code.....(Repeat until BUGS = 0) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michaelangelica Posted June 5, 2009 Report Share Posted June 5, 2009 E-merl.com - New Experiments In Fiction Boerseun 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paigetheoracle Posted June 8, 2009 Report Share Posted June 8, 2009 It was exam time and Richard, the freckle faced fifties throw back, was up against his fellow geeks, whose parents were equally as old fashioned as he was and who lived on either side of his house - Matthews and Harris. After the results came through, it was discovered that he'd done extremely well but the other two had only done half as well as expected: In fact you could say that the square with the spotty nose, was equal to the sons of the squares on the other two sides.:ud::ud:;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pyrotex Posted June 9, 2009 Report Share Posted June 9, 2009 paige,I want you to know that I hold you in high regard, but...after reading your jokes for the last few monthes...well, it might be a good idea for you to seek out professional help.I suggest at least three psychiatrists, a dozen psychologists,and at least one witch doctor with a degree in training horses.I wish you the best. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paigetheoracle Posted June 9, 2009 Report Share Posted June 9, 2009 paige,I want you to know that I hold you in high regard, but...after reading your jokes for the last few monthes...well, it might be a good idea for you to seek out professional help.I suggest at least three psychiatrists, a dozen psychologists,and at least one witch doctor with a degree in training horses.I wish you the best. I didn't know you held me in high regard but think my jokes stink to high heaven?* That's the trouble with genius, it's like a duck's breast - it has its down side. I went to a famous psychoanalyst 'S. Freud?' I asked'No, just a little bit timid but you can't afford to be scared in zis game!'Which Doctor did you want me to see? Oh yes, I know the kind - they shout at horses don't they?).:( It's the English sense of humour - there isn't any! Clever plays on words that my old friends used to groan at but being such a geek, it was that or nothing (I was a quiet child and should have shut up the rest of my life but didn't when the Bugs Bunny gene kicked in - now I'm wold famous (That's not a spelling mistake - wold is a small piece of land with nothing in it (bit like my head really, sigh...))).:eek2: I plead guilty your honour and ask for several other misdemeanours to be taken into consideration. That's all folks!:naughty: * I have gotten into serious trouble at work over my sense of humour, getting suspended but who can blame the teachers? I'm supposed to be better than the kids but my jokes aren't (Read Viz Comics if you want to know how bad/ sad my sense of humour is/ has deteriorated to):shrug: Boerseun and Pyrotex 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michaelangelica Posted June 9, 2009 Report Share Posted June 9, 2009 sanctus 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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