Pyrotex Posted September 21, 2009 Report Share Posted September 21, 2009 LOL :rolleyes: LOL :hyper: LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moontanman Posted September 26, 2009 Report Share Posted September 26, 2009 So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter,a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day...... About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud,unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids,Yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?' The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7.Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?' So I replied,'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am,I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice.Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.' My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Galapagos Posted September 26, 2009 Report Share Posted September 26, 2009 WARNING: YOU ARE READING THIS ON A BLASPHEMOUS HOMOSEXUAL DEVIL MACHINE. SHUT DOWN AND STEP AWAY FROM THE KEYBOARD IMMEDIATELY!!! h/t:phones:;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DougF Posted September 26, 2009 Report Share Posted September 26, 2009 .. ;) :phones: ;) :hihi: :doh: :shrug: :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sman Posted September 27, 2009 Report Share Posted September 27, 2009 One sausage to another: "You bring out the wurst in me!" Just some spontaneous word-play from my wife this morning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay-qu Posted September 28, 2009 Report Share Posted September 28, 2009 One sausage to another: "You bring out the wurst in me!" Just some spontaneous word-play from my wife this morning.The other sausage replies "and you bring out the inner brat in me" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexander Posted September 28, 2009 Report Share Posted September 28, 2009 i have heard other takes on this, but i have personal one: So what is the difference between how a normal man, a physicist and a mathematician would handle walking into a room with a bucket of water in the middle and a fire. Normal man would walk in, see the bucket of water, see the fire, grab the bucket of water and put the fire out. Physicist would walk into the room, see the fire and the bucket, calculate how much water it would take to stop the fire from spreading, carefully pour that amount of water around the fire, and with satisfaction watch the fire burn itself out. Mathematician would walk into the room, and then walk out, after mathematically showing that he belongs to the solution set Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moontanman Posted October 3, 2009 Report Share Posted October 3, 2009 I was walking past the mental hospital the other day,and all the patients were shouting, '13....13....13.' The fence was too high to see over, but I saw alittle gap in the planks, so I looked through to seewhat was going on..... Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick! Then they all started shouting '14....14....14'... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paigetheoracle Posted October 8, 2009 Report Share Posted October 8, 2009 If the world is constantly changing, the question naturally arises - what the flux going on?;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michaelangelica Posted October 8, 2009 Report Share Posted October 8, 2009 WARNING: YOU ARE READING THIS ON A BLASPHEMOUS HOMOSEXUAL DEVIL MACHINE. SHUT DOWN AND STEP AWAY FROM THE KEYBOARD IMMEDIATELY!!! ngula/]h/t[/url];):phones:I agree wholeheartedy.He did win the war. (not the yanks) :(But was this a set up or for real --The photo? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buffy Posted October 9, 2009 Report Share Posted October 9, 2009 From Letterman last night:Of course you've heard that this year's winners of the Nobel Prize for Lack of Chemistry are John McCain and Sarah Palin... Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving, :)Buffy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pyrotex Posted October 9, 2009 Report Share Posted October 9, 2009 Ahhh, I remember the good old days in college.For a while, I thought I wanted to be a chemist.I did pretty good until I got to orgasmic chemistry, which had a 4 hour lab.We were supposed to make Ethyl Palpitate.But apparently I heated the reaction too much, or left out a critical step,because what I made was Ethyl Impregnate,which was unstable, and became Ethyl Propogate.I got an F+ for the semester. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michaelangelica Posted October 16, 2009 Report Share Posted October 16, 2009 Today I listened to ABC radio's "Thank God it's Friday" (Richard Glover 702-available on line)The show is an hour long humorous wrap up of the week's eventsThey were discussing the winners and loosers of the week and Obama came up. first as a winner 'cause he won the Nobel peace prize and then as a looser because people said he didn't deserve it.So the question became "What great achievement would would you like to be recognised for by the Nobel committee?". Discussion varied - developing unique penicillins and life forms in the frig etc. The best however was a Chaser? comic who said he wanted the Chuch next to him to stop ringing bells on Sunday. He thought he could achieve that, and would then expand his activities to areas around him, then take the movement to the Nation, and eventually the World. Finally silencing all church bells on Sunday and then everyone could then sleep in, in peace.Of course, for this achievement he would be awarded- the Nobel Nobel Prize(say the last line slowly out loud) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boerseun Posted October 18, 2009 Report Share Posted October 18, 2009 1. Skippy heartbeat when you think of him/her.You think it's: LoveMedical possibility: Tachycardia which may lead to ventricularfibrillation and Myocardial Infarction (Heart Attack). 2. Restless trembling of hands, feet and other body parts.You think it's: LoveMedical possibility: Parkinson's Disease 3. Constant smiling.You think it's: LoveMedical possibility: Bell's Palsy 4. Absent mindedness, forgetfulness, inability to focus on tasks at work or at home.You think it's: LoveMedical possibility: Early Onset Alzheimer's Disease 5. Frequent or constant sexual arousal.You think it's: LoveMedical possibility: Nymphomania 6. Weakening of knees and bursts of energy when he/she calls or comes over.You think it's: LoveMedical possibility: Multiple Sclerosis 7. Inability to stop thinking about him/her.You think it's: LoveMedical possibility: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder 8. Bruising on neck, breasts and other tender areas.You think it's: LoveMedical possibility: Leukemia 9. Insomnia.You think it's: LoveMedical possibility: Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia 10. Feeling that you can smell/hear/feel him or her when not in his/her presence.You think it's: LoveMedical possibility: Schizophrenia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paigetheoracle Posted October 19, 2009 Report Share Posted October 19, 2009 What's the difference between being a migraineur and being a folk singer? None as far as I can see - they both walk around mumbling incoherently, with their hands over their ears but one gets money to make us suffer and the other does it for free* *voluntary masochism or paid sadism!:phones: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexander Posted October 19, 2009 Report Share Posted October 19, 2009 American economy is taking giant leaps forward, miles at a time. Major parts of it are already in Mexico, India and Malaysia... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paigetheoracle Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 American economy is taking giant leaps forward, miles at a time. Major parts of it are already in Mexico, India and Malaysia... You're forgetting Iraq and Afghanistan and coming soon to Iran! (They will buy Democratically, even if we have to ram it down their throats!).:phones: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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