TheBigDog Posted January 8, 2006 Report Share Posted January 8, 2006 The most important responsibility I have is the successful raising of my children. Everything I do is weighed against that directive. Math, science, exploration, discovery, understanding are all aimed at bettering the human condition for the generations to come. Even when it means less time on hypography! Is there a proper forum here for discussions about parenting? If not, could there be? Or should I seek such conversation elsewhere? Thanks! Bill, Shannon, Garrett, John, Bryan, Aidan... and Charlie the dog Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C1ay Posted January 8, 2006 Report Share Posted January 8, 2006 I tend to think Social Sciences is a good place for it so I have moved your thread here. I think parenting really is about preparing one's children for a prouctive life in society so this seems an appropriate location. What do you think? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheBigDog Posted January 8, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2006 It works for me. Lets give it a push and see if it rolls. Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buffy Posted January 8, 2006 Report Share Posted January 8, 2006 I think its a social science (good call C1ay!); in fact, I fault many parents for not understanding that their child's social growth and nurturing is far more important than their intellectual education. So, whadaya wanna yack about? Maternally speaking,Buffy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tormod Posted January 8, 2006 Report Share Posted January 8, 2006 Parenting turned my life upside down. It feels so great in the beginning but then the reality of it all starts to kick in. I now have two daughters (age 5 and 2 1/2) and I must admit it's taking complete control of my life. :hihi: If I could change ONE thing, it would be to have a couple of hours to myself every single day... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buffy Posted January 8, 2006 Report Share Posted January 8, 2006 If I could change ONE thing, it would be to have a couple of hours to myself every single day...You boys are such wimps! Just wait until school starts. They grow up much too fast, enjoy it while you can! Eat your veggies!Buffy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Southtown Posted January 8, 2006 Report Share Posted January 8, 2006 Parenting turned my life upside down. It feels so great in the beginning but then the reality of it all starts to kick in. I now have two daughters (age 5 and 2 1/2) and I must admit it's taking complete control of my life. :hihi:I hear ya. Four and two, here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tormod Posted January 8, 2006 Report Share Posted January 8, 2006 Southtown (Online)P.O.D. fan (duh) P.O.D. = Parents Of Doom, eh? :hihi: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheBigDog Posted January 8, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2006 Howdy Buffy. I am trying to organize my thoughts into forms worthy of the sharp intellects roaming around this forum. But let me start with some general introductions... I my wife and I have 4 boys. They are ages 17, 15, 9 & 3. The oldest will actually be 17 in another month, but I'll round up. He would appreciate it. My wife already had the first two prior to our marriage. They do not know their fathers and have never had contact that they can remember. I am the only dad they have ever known, and they are my first two children. I had a more traditional involvment in bringing about the other two. I have four sisters and my parents will celebrate their 43rd anniversary this year. When I moved out at age 18 we had lived in 12 houses in five states on both coasts. Yes, an average of 18 months per house. That is something that I credit with building much of my character that I value, but is also something I decided I didn't want to do the same way with my own kids. I have been pretty good. I am in my third home since I got married, so that is over 3 years average! But this isn't about my life story, just want to provide some insight about where my perspective comes from. So all that said, let me pose a question... How did you get educated about how to be a parent? What approach did you take to transition your priorities and stay balanced with your other desires? Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buffy Posted January 8, 2006 Report Share Posted January 8, 2006 How did you get educated about how to be a parent?I voraciously read all the parenting books, then except for the medical advice books, I dumped them all. The best advice I have is:Use your common sense.Remember its a job, and treat it seriously.Remember to have fun doing it (corollary: if you're not having fun, you might not be cut out to be a parent).Remember, you're the boss. You can be best friends, but you're also the source of the law and you need to build the boxes and enforce them.If you forget what it was like when you were that age, you're going to have problems. Most parents have some sort of amnesia that sets in early on which makes them unable to understand why kids don't have adult levels of patience or stamina. Think their age and you will see appropriate tactics to use.Never, ever, ever, ever assume they can't understand or won't notice something. They are *always* smarter and more mentally resilient than you can conceive.Don't shove stuff down their throats too fast. They do have trouble absorbing, but its "want to absorb" rather than "can absorb". Just foster the notion that they can keep asking questions to fill their level of "need to know."There. Now don't waste money on the books.What approach did you take to transition your priorities and stay balanced with your other desires?I'm a bad person to ask about this: I'm a classic career mom. I took time off, but I have my other job too. This makes me evil in some people's eyes. Too bad. My kid at (almost) 11 is now my company's receptionist. She loves it and it gives me the chance to integrate her with my work. Personal life gets to be priority number 2, but I'll tell you, it all comes back to reorganizing your priorities so they are optimized. You have to get into going to Disneyland again (think like your kid!), and if you're trying to have a social life, stick with parents who share the same problems (no 20-ish boy-toys for me thank you, they are cute but...). Cheers,Buffy Chacmool 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Southtown Posted January 8, 2006 Report Share Posted January 8, 2006 P.O.D. = Parents Of Doom, eh? :hihi:Punishers Of Defiance :hihi: HAHA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheBigDog Posted January 8, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2006 I didn't read many books. My wife did enough of that for both of us. I did what I have done my whole life; used plenty of observation, asked plenty of questions, and employed what made the most sense to me. One of the best places to get advice on parenting is to watch "The Dog Whisperer" on NGC. Kids are not dogs, but many of the fundamentals are the same. I use the dog, and dog behavior as an example when working with my kids. When we got the dog he was very excitable and would jump up on the kids and do what they described as "dancing". I made them understand that he had to see them as a bigger dog than them, and showed them how to posture themselves so that they set the rules and boundaries for the dog, but he could still have fun and be a dog around them. It didn't take the kids too long to recognize that I had been doing the same things with them all along. They gave me the nickname BigDog for when we play computer games. If I had known when I created my account that my login name would be my handle as well I would have used BigDog instead of webenton. The biggest thing I have learned is this... Kids thrive when they have boundaries. It gives them a starting point for exploration and a scope for their mischief. If you do not have boundaries for your kids they will be doing things that you cannot imagine. Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InfiniteNow Posted January 12, 2006 Report Share Posted January 12, 2006 How did you get educated about how to be a parent?By making mistakes... LOTS and LOTS of mistakes, and vowing to myself that I wouldn't make the same mistakes twice. :lol: ... :P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InfiniteNow Posted January 26, 2006 Report Share Posted January 26, 2006 Okay... question. My girlfriend's daughter (she's almost 8... 1st grade -- the daughter, not the girlfriend smartass :() has been acting up in school, and it's pretty likely that she needs to spend more time with her mom... getting that "one-on-one" attention. She has siblings too, so is always competing for the attentional resources around her. So, how do we avoid rewarding her for her poor behavior at school while also ensuring she actually gets the time with her mom she needs so much? My concern is that if the mom spends time with her now, she'll repeat the bad behavior because it was positively reinforced... You can tell her it's wrong until you're blue in the face :( , but she'll remember "I acted up and got to spend time with mommy." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CraigD Posted January 27, 2006 Report Share Posted January 27, 2006 My girlfriend's daughter (she's almost 8... 1st grade -- the daughter, not the girlfriend smartass :() has been acting up in school…So, how do we avoid rewarding her for her poor behavior at school while also ensuring she actually gets the time with her mom she needs so much?From personal experience and that theory I know (or know by way of my better-trained wife), it’s rarely a good idea to withhold interacting with children for more than 5 or 10 minute “time-out” periods. I think your girlfriend, and you, if it is helpful, should interact with her daughter as much as possible. From the language you use to describe the situation, I think you need to change how you perceive the girl’s behavior. You say she has been misbehaving in school. It’s likely she has also been behaving well there. It is very important to assure that she knows that her parent(s) are aware of not only her misbehavior, but her good behavior, and that the good behavior makes them happy and proud. This can’t really be done in a phony or manipulative way – you must sincerely mean it, and be willing to take the time, even if you have little to spare, to learn of and praise her good deeds. As TheBigDog notes in post #12, the fundamentals of childrearing and dog training are the same. No reputable dog trainer uses punishment. They use praise (and food treats – perhaps not all of the fundamentals are the same :( ). Parents should do the same (without the food treats!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Southtown Posted January 27, 2006 Report Share Posted January 27, 2006 My children are positively reinforced with food treats. When they're bad they get dog biscuits. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InfiniteNow Posted January 27, 2006 Report Share Posted January 27, 2006 From personal experience and that theory I know (or know by way of my better-trained wife), it’s rarely a good idea to withhold interacting with children for more than 5 or 10 minute “time-out” periods. I think your girlfriend, and you, if it is helpful, should interact with her daughter as much as possible. From the language you use to describe the situation, I think you need to change how you perceive the girl’s behavior. You say she has been misbehaving in school. It’s likely she has also been behaving well there. It is very important to assure that she knows that her parent(s) are aware of not only her misbehavior, but her good behavior, and that the good behavior makes them happy and proud. This can’t really be done in a phony or manipulative way – you must sincerely mean it, and be willing to take the time, even if you have little to spare, to learn of and praise her good deeds. As TheBigDog notes in post #12, the fundamentals of childrearing and dog training are the same. No reputable dog trainer uses punishment. They use praise (and food treats – perhaps not all of the fundamentals are the same :( ). Parents should do the same (without the food treats!)Thanks CraigD. Your point helped me open, or broaden, my perspective a bit. It's always so easy to offer advice to someone else, but when it's in your own life... it's like having tunnel vision sometimes. Cheers. My children are positively reinforced with food treats. When they're bad they get dog biscuits. Now that's funny... Lol. :( However, I think I preferred CraigD's point. Seemed more caring, and that's really how I want to proceed here. But, if that doesn't work... it's nice to have a "Plan B." :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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