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English the Official Language of the European Union

Robert Angstrom

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I don't know where this came from originally but it offers some good

spelling reform.




The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby

English will be the official language of the European Union rather

than German, which was the other possibility.


As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that

English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5

year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".


In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will

make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in

favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have

one less letter.


There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the

troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like

fotograf 20% shorter.


In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted

to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are

possible.Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters

which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre

that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and

it should go away.


By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"

with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be

dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a

reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and

evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united

urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking

German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

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  • 3 years later...


Just produce the exact same song in the great grand master proof! ROCK AND ROLL!

I rest my case, English wins hands down.


I speak Francais, Espanol, English, some Deutcsh, some Italiano, and I have touched Ruski.

I hear oriental languages, and middle-east ones. That alone, has me shun them.

French my native language is ok, but sucks in conjugation.

Spanish, same as French, but too many 'O's

Deutcsh, burn these hieroglyphics in a no ash oven, that will work.

Italiano, don't wanna sing while I talk.

Ruski, ummm... too slavic... it will become a dead tongue as latin and greek


English contains many languages already and assimilates then wonderfully.

It keeps its integrity while it incorporates the foreign words with their own touch.

Leave it the <blank> alone.


...on the other hand

Let's pretend that this is not a joke but a true attempt at improving a language to its next level


that's crap... a K there would hurt

c better be the 'kuh' consonant not horrible k. so k is the one letter less if anything


e...silnt or not can b lft out as th dfault sound but then you cannot get rid of double consonants or you will not know how the i will sound see the diFFerence.


Silent e is NOT silent, it elonnnnnnnnnnnnnnngates the sound just enough to make it sound right.


There is much more to it than what I just brought up... Diphthong - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


...and actually, although the British accent is tops, when it comes to more practicality the American version of English has its merit.


In the end the best language will win on its own merits... and it is rather obvious, now, on Earth, that English has won that battle.


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Does this look familiar?


A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling




by Mark Twain



For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s," and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later. Year 2 might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with "i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "g/j" anomali wonse and for all.


Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants. Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez "c," "y" and "x"--bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez--tu riplais "ch," "sh," and "th" rispektivli.


Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.


There are reasons people study Twain with almost the care devoted to Shakespeare. He is that important to our culture. If a few more people would study Twain, then maybe we could expand on his humor instead of simply repeating it.



(adopting Twain's late, angry mode)


p.s. The source, even the authorship, of this quote is under dispute. I will stick with Twain, although I'm not sure where he originally published it. His autobiography? It would fit there, since anything would fit there. Say, have you ever heard the story about Grandpa and the ram? You see, Grandpa was bending down . . . .

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In the end the best language will win on its own merits... and it is rather obvious, now, on Earth, that English has won that battle.
I think it time to properly seperate Americanese from the snobbery which is English which is largely not spoken by anyone anymore... interestingly not even by those that reside in the country from which it derived it's name.


Tis Americanese folks don't believe me watch an episode of Eastenders or one of those other ultra boring Brit soaps used as filler by the folks at PBS...heck Monty barely contains recognizeable english!!


Ya shows what I know eh:hihi:


hope yins enjoyed my bit of filler;)

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  • 2 weeks later...
In the end the best language will win on its own merits... and it is rather obvious, now, on Earth, that English has won that battle.


i agree with much of what you say, silent e does a lot of stuff...to jsut drop it would mean likely a complete changing to the sounds of the letters of the alphabet (not a bad idea i find)...teaching phonics and other reading methods to esl students all day has me fed up explaining why this is like this when its suppose to be like that lol.


but i wonder, why people will think English has won? i would agree many asian character languages simply follow little logic in their structure....but looking at the number of people who use other languages it is somewhat comparable to english...although not quite as much. but each language still has numerous artists, books, researchers and so on as english, the difference seems to be these countries are nice enough to translate a lot into english....not sure why we tend not to translate much into their languages.










^^says the person with 100 typos in every post :)

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