HELP! Whats wrong with me? Mental illness or something else?

[Spiderman]

Alright, I need some intelligent people to help me understand what's wrong with me.

 

I'm 22 years old and have been suffering from "mental illness" probably most of my life. It was in 2003 that I experienced full blown psychosis due to Cannabis (marijuana) use. I think, that me using Cannabis was just me self medicating, and the psychosis I experienced, I would have experienced later in life, regardless of the use of marijuana or not.

 

Anyways, the psychosis was an intense experience. It felt like, two entities invaded my body/mind/spirit. The two entities looked like they were fighting to control my mind and actions.

 

Numerous times, I would use my computer (notepad) and I could see the entities typing through me. While one would type a message, the other would erase it. I had absolutly no conscious control over my body.

 

I came to realize that one of the entities tried to trick me into commiting suicide. It typed out a message:

 

"Consider killing yourself, you may be harvesting an alien in your stomach, and the only way to live, is to die. Who do you want to believe, yourself or your government?"

 

At the time, I really believed it. I really did think there was an alien inside of me. It was weird. It felt so real, that I actually went to grab a pair of scissors and was really about to kill myself.

 

Most of the few days of craziness revolved around visions, I was receiving visions, past memories were brought up, it felt like I had knowledge of everything that has ever happened in the universe and all that will happen. It also felt like there was no past, present or future.

 

I also felt like I was god. I also believed I was god.

 

Things took a turn for the worse, and I was invariably locked up in the Psychiatric ward and drugged up. My family and friends were freaked out.

 

Ever since 2003, I have never been the same.

 

It feels like, whatever invaded me, or was released, is still inside of me, running in the background of my mind like a computer virus.

 

Since 2003, I have been admitted to the Psychiatric ward mostly on my own accord when I feel like I am losing my mind.

 

The psychiatric ward does not help me. The medications work alright, but there are crazy people inside, that always feed into my delusions, even if I haven't spoken to them.

 

My doctors basically tell me, I suffer from Schizophrenia, then they tell me i'm Bipolar, then they say i'm Schizo-Affective, then they say my problems are related to my upbringing, then they say delusions of grandeur etc. I honestly don't buy this at all.

 

 

It feels like there is a parasite like entity attached to me. It seems to be feeding off my adrenaline or dopamine. I know my problem is somehow related to Dopamine, because when I am on anti-psychotics, like Haldol or Seroquel, I am a completely different person.

 

But unfortunatly, when I am on Haldol or Seroquel, I will basically go out seeking things that will boost my dopamine levels. I will "fall in love" too easily. I will have a chip on my shoulder and start a fight with someone for some superficial reason. I might even seek out drugs or sex like a dope fiend. Antipsychotics don't let me have sex either, they inhibit something when it comes to sex, like semen production or something.

 

When i'm off medication, I am basically paralyzed, listless, bored, lethargic. I feel like a heroin addict. The days, hours, minutes just breeze by. I'll eat more than I need to. I'll find ways to stimulate myself that don't take much effort, driving fast, drinking, strip clubs etc.

 

 

 

 

Neither of these personalities are me. I am not the person I am when I am on Meds. I am also not the person I am when I am off-meds.

 

It feels like I am stuck in a catch 22. I have no idea what to do.

 

I have spent years seeking answers to my problems, and this story is the only thing that makes sense to me... It is a quote from the spiderman comic series. Yeah, I know it's a comic book, but it totally relates to me...

 

Symbiotes feed on their host's adrenaline, usually released into the bloodstream during the fight-or-flight response. They have also been shown to depend on their hosts for a steady supply of phenethylamine, a chemical found as a nuerotransmitter in the human brain. While this has been known to lead some symbiotes to consume the brains of others, the chemical can also be ready found in processed chocolate. While the symbiotes are connected to a host, they raise their host's dopamine levels. They can apparently be killed, or at least forced into some sort of death-like state, by an overdose of dopamine-inhibitor. Symbiotes aren't able to bond with hosts who have high levels of vitamin C in their blood streams. There are several levels of biological symbiosis, or "bonding" that can be achieved between a symbiote and its host, each with different biological consequences.

 

The Overreach committee holds Venom, suffering from amnesia after their last knockdown drag-out with Spider-Man, they dope up Venom then toss the symbiotic duo into a sound-enhanced, super re-enforced cell. As secret agent Smith goes for some more anti-Venom drugs (dopamine inhibitors)

 

 

 

Yeah, I know, it's a comic book. But it's exactly what life feels like to me. There is something that is raising my dopamine levels. Plus, when I am taking medication, I really do eat chocolate and do drugs that contain phenylethylamine.

 

I am never conscious of what I am doing on meds. If I am on meds, I don't even consciously understand why I feel like trying a street drug that contains phenylethylamine. I just do it. Without even thinking of the long term or short term reprecussions. I feel like a pregnant woman who wants to eat dirt or brocolli because of the certain minerals or what not inside of it.

 

What do you guys think my problem is? Am I just genetically predisposed to mental illness? Is it my environment thats causing my craziness? Is it a parasite that science hasn't studied that is just using my body and mind for it's personal goals?

 

Help!

[Mercedes Benzene]

With all due respect, I have no idea why you're trying to get help for such serious issues on a science forum. It would be far more productive and beneficial to your health if you went to see a doctor.

 

Now, I don't know exactly what your circumstances are beyond what you've described here... but if you have been experiencing "psychosis" most of your life, why haven't you sought professional help? If one doctor wasn't working, why not see multiple doctors?

[Spiderman]

With all due respect, I have no idea why you're trying to get help for such serious issues on a science forum. It would be far more productive and beneficial to your health if you went to see a doctor.

 

Now, I don't know exactly what your circumstances are beyond what you've described here... but if you have been experiencing "psychosis" most of your life, why haven't you sought professional help? If one doctor wasn't working, why not see multiple doctors?

 

Hey Mercedes, i'm seeking answers to a problem.

 

I have seen doctors and have been treated. They've helped, but I haven't gotten answers or a cure. Which is what I am looking for.

 

I don't think Psychiatry as a profession has evolved enough to answer the questions I have or deal with my problem.

[Mercedes Benzene]

Hey Mercedes, i'm seeking answers to a problem.

 

I have seen doctors and have been treated. They've helped, but I haven't gotten answers or a cure. Which is what I am looking for.

 

I don't think Psychiatry as a profession has evolved enough to answer the questions I have or deal with my problem.

 

You think we can do better than doctors?:eplane:

Now, without knowing your medical history, it's hard to come to any conclusions... and I'm sure your doctors have investigated everything that I'm about to suggest. Oh well. Here goes.

 

Psychotic episodes can be cause by so many things it's insane (no pun intended).

Was there something that happened in your childhood that was particularly traumatic?

Have you been checked for benign brain tumors?

Could you be suffering from some undiagnosed long-term illness, such as lupus or genetic conditions such as various demyelinating diseases?

 

Drugs are a very common cause of psychosis... but you mentioned that you had these symptoms before you experimented with drugs?

We're just going to need more information.

[Spiderman]

Psychotic episodes can be cause by so many things it's insane (no pun intended).

 

 

Was there something that happened in your childhood that was particularly traumatic?

 

No. I had a pretty happy childhood.

 

Have you been checked for benign brain tumors?

 

Yeah.

 

Could you be suffering from some undiagnosed long-term illness, such as lupus or genetic conditions such as various demyelinating diseases?

 

Don't think so. My problem is related to brain chemicals.

[sanctus]

I'm not that much into but hearing stories from friends who suffer from strong or less strong schizophrenia it seems to me that you have that. One of this friend told me about a forum where he goes a small google search gave:

Schizophrenia Forums - Topix

I don't know if this is the forum the friend told me about, but it seems to me that there you can share your experience with people who have had similar symptoms and see with what solutions they came up.

Now, don't get me wrong I refer you to that other site not because you are not welcome (I hope you stay here even if you join the other forum) here but only because I think such a forum can help more in your case.

[Fatstep]

schizophrenia, possibly paranoid schizophrenia.

 

i do think you should go to a psychiatrist.

[paigetheoracle]

I have a theory based on my own experiences that says we all go through something similar but in varying degrees.

 

I also suggest you look up Stanislav Grof and his work on what he calls Spiritual Emerge-ency (emphasis mine - the stroke doesn't exist, I just added to emphasize how he views it).

 

The Spider man quote shows you are researching it and like other quotes are trying to gain insight (mastery) into it.

 

Drugs will dull down the effects of what you're going through but only suppress symptoms, not create a cure. The way I see it, is that is more the end product of an addiction than a mental illness. Like people with bipolar disease you love the highs but like a spent rocket (empty) have to come down again at some point.

 

Think of a bell. Hit it and the vibrations send you swinging in both drastic directions but once calmed down, you have a more balanced, solid position in the centre (This is what Zen is about for instance, in Eastern religion - getting you to be present in the present).

 

There's another thread about sociopaths that you might want to look at on this forum (Try the tag cloud but I think it's under Sociology). The guy who kicked it off might be interested in what you have to say but don't quote me on that. Likewise KickAssClown might be a useful contact too (If you have any questions, you can also send me a PM [click on name above and find item in drop down menu] - no guarantees but I've been there or somewhere similar).:confused:

[billg]

You should probably lay off the pot. I mean sure there's an argument it's self-medication; but I would suggest a more likely reason for the correlation between schizophrenia and marijuana smoking is that the weed can contribute to the psychosis. And even if it is some kind of self-medication its not a very well controlled one and it may treat the symptoms while making the disease worse. It would seem from your report (not to mention my own experiences) that weed can only make you crazier.

 

And I wouldn't worry about the parasite thing. That's also pretty unlikely. And even if it was some kind of as yet unidentified parasite, you can't do anything about it. Any chemical imbalance is far more likely to be good old conventional genetics+developmental errors.

 

You're not alone in being paranoid, but paranoia is just that; it's not reasonable. And so far as not buying your doctors diagnoses, remember that mental illnesses have high coincedence and really lie more on a spectrum as broad and uncertain as personality types.

 

Also stick with your meds they help. Sometimes they take awhile though. Sometimes they don't help, it's true, but I would never write off a drug just because it didn't help everything... ask other people how you are on compared to off meds cos you can't always trust your own judgement, you might realise you feel better than you thought.

 

Good luck

[CraigD]

You [spiderman] should probably lay off the pot.

I concur.

 

The idea that pot can cause mental illness in a person with no predisposition for it isn’t supported by any credible scientific evidence, but ample evidence exists that it, or nearly any psychotropic drug, can trigger or exacerbate mental illness in someone with a history or predisposition of mental illness.

 

Spidey’s problems with psychiatrists and psychopharmaceuticals, involve issues much too complicated, IMHO, for well-serving discussion in an internet forum. The best advice I can offer is, to the greatest extent your mental health care resources allow, keep trying new psychiatrists and/or therapists until you find one you trust and are comfortable with.

[paigetheoracle]

You might also find the following blogspot interesting cheatingtheferryman.blogspot.com by Anthony Peake as TLE (Temporal Lobe Epilepsy) and Schizophrenia are discussed on it but from a psycho-social perspective. You might find Terrance McKenna's work interesting too (I never have) as it treats mind altering effects of substances on the individual likewise as a transcendental experience not an illness (Positive not negative bias).

[Biomajor]

Sounds like paranoid schizophrenia (because of the alien/symbiote feeling), take the meds! But, have someone (as well as your doc) that you can keep accountable to. As annoying as it will be...tell them where you are going...what you did that day...do not spend excessive time alone, etc. Ask you doctor to adjust your medication (amounts taken when) so that you can see what gives you relief without making you nonfunctional.

[snoopy]

First of all stay off the drugs.

 

Secondly it doesnt sound like he is suffering from schizophrenia they would have given him Abilify (aripriprozole) or at least chlopromosine if he was.

 

They have given him Haleperedol and Seroquel so its sounds like he has been diagnosed as 'drug induced phsychosis'

 

You are mentally ill now due to drug abuse or alchohol abuse or both your brain is damaged and the drugs you have been prescribed should help if you are not having a good time on the medication you should see your doctor (physchiatrist) and explain your problems with the meds to him/her they should be able to prescribe something else that will work for you.

 

I hope this helps you

 

Peace