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Help In Identifying A Psychological Condition (If It Has A Name)


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#18 Dubbelosix

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Posted 27 June 2017 - 05:17 PM

It may or may not be of any help to realize that some people are just not right, and not much can be done about it. 

 

I object to this statement.

 

 

There is no justice in saying this person is not ''right.''

 

 

To accept that, I want a definition of normal. And then I want to know why people should conform to normality... because it's a boring existence just replicating each other without differentiation.


Edited by Dubbelosix, 27 June 2017 - 05:18 PM.


#19 Farming guy

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Posted 27 June 2017 - 05:55 PM

I object to this statement.

 

 

There is no justice in saying this person is not ''right.''

 

 

To accept that, I want a definition of normal. And then I want to know why people should conform to normality... because it's a boring existence just replicating each other without differentiation.

Okay, please accept my apologies for my careless use of language.  I agree that "not right" is insensitive, and I am sorry.  

 

Perhaps a better thing to say, is we can either accept people as they are without diagnosis, or choose to avoid those that cause us to feel discomfort or annoyance.

 

I have known people who have been diagnosed with different psychological conditions for whom the diagnosis has not proven particularly helpful, and in some cases prescribed medicines have had nasty side effects that caused more harm than the condition being treated.

 

 

Just for the record, I have been described as "crazy" by some people, sometimes just because of my choice of occupation.



#20 Dubbelosix

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Posted 27 June 2017 - 06:26 PM

It's ok, I was just putting myself in the other persons shoes, if she ever came to read this.



#21 Dubbelosix

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Posted 27 June 2017 - 06:28 PM

As for mental health... you will all be surprised to learn maybe, I am no stranger to it.

 

 

I have myself, been diagnosed on the autistic spectrum, with the rare split personality disorder, as it was once called. I am medicated, but the other personalities keep arising.

 

 

I am somewhat different, my personalities don't seem to take different names, just different states of psyche unto which sometimes, I have no recollection.



#22 Dubbelosix

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Posted 27 June 2017 - 06:28 PM

Fun life eh?



#23 DrKrettin

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Posted 28 June 2017 - 01:10 AM

 

Perhaps a better thing to say, is we can either accept people as they are without diagnosis, or choose to avoid those that cause us to feel discomfort or annoyance.

 

 

 

That is a pragmatic view and fair enough. But the relationship with this friend grew very slowly and her state of mind only became gradually apparent after some time, by which time it was clear that she very unhappy in herself and that some friendly support might be helpful. My wife has spent a considerable amount of time and effort in getting her to become aware of her state of mind, but also finding it stressful because she is not a trained psychologist. The woman probably needs some professional help to come to terms with her state of mind, but refuses to go there, thus relies on my wife for advice in absolutely everything, which is not fair. My wife can't really cope with this, but we are at a loss to know how to deal with it. Just dumping her does not seem like a civilised thing to do. I had the idea that some kind of identification of a psychological state might help us to deal with her. 

 

Some years ago the friend had another older woman as a companion, and seemed inseparable, in a relationship which must have been similar to the one she has with my wife. That relationship ended abruptly when said friend promptly emigrated and then died, and I suspect that this was the only way that woman could think of to get out of the situation. (But I don't think the dying was part of the plan.)



#24 OceanBreeze

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Posted 28 June 2017 - 03:50 AM

I don’t presume to know much about this subject, so take whatever I say with a half-grain of whatever. From what you have said, it almost jumps out of the page as a dependent personality disorder. But, whatever name that I or anyone else tries to pin on it, one thing is certain; this woman needs professional help and your wife, and you, need to be relieved of the burden she is placing on both of you.

I suspect you already know all of this and I also suspect you know there is no easy way to deal with it.

She needs professional help and the sooner the better. Good luck.



#25 DrKrettin

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Posted 28 June 2017 - 05:01 AM

I don’t presume to know much about this subject, so take whatever I say with a half-grain of whatever. From what you have said, it almost jumps out of the page as a dependent personality disorder. But, whatever name that I or anyone else tries to pin on it, one thing is certain; this woman needs professional help and your wife, and you, need to be relieved of the burden she is placing on both of you.

I suspect you already know all of this and I also suspect you know there is no easy way to deal with it.

She needs professional help and the sooner the better. Good luck.

 

Thank you very much for that link - I was totally unaware of this.  I read several paragraphs of the description of this disorder, and it was as if I were trying to describe her, so well it fitted the profile. One thing was particularly illuminating - the trait of mirroring.

 

The history of this is: that some years go both I and my wife finally recognised we were somewhere on the Asperger's spectrum, and this was a liberating experience to find an explanation for various social difficulties we have both faced separately in the past. Knowing that our friend obviously was unusual in her (lack of) social interaction, we went to great lengths explaining our revelation. She contacted an Asperger's society and had a couple of interviews, after which they declared she showed enough Asperger's traits to "qualify". Since that time, we have assumed all this makes sense, but had reservations about the diagnosis (various things just did not fit). After reading about DPD and that reference to mirroring, we suddenly realise that she could well have been mirroring my wife's personality when seeking an Asperger's diagnosis. Trying to understand her as an Aspie is thus quite possibly a complete red herring.

 

Many would consider all this as a meaningless exercise in labelling, but it is in fact extremely useful to us in trying to deal with a problem. We also noticed this comment in the link:

 

As a caretaker to a person who suffers from Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD), you can find yourself with an ever growing sense of anger and injustice when a capable adult acts like a helpless child.

 

 

Now we would not describe ourselves as caretakers, but we are the only "friends" she has, and my wife is indeed in that state of anger/frustration. Obviously, she is in need of serious psychological support (the friend, not the wife, well... dunno..sometimes..that's another thread :shocked:  ..) but there is no way she would agree to that (after several sessions with a professional which she judged to be unproductive).

 

However, this is all very constructive for us to try and work out how to deal with this, rather than resigning ourselves to sudden emigration or death (or both).



#26 OceanBreeze

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Posted 28 June 2017 - 08:34 AM

Thank you very much for that link - I was totally unaware of this.  I read several paragraphs of the description of this disorder, and it was as if I were trying to describe her, so well it fitted the profile.

However, this is all very constructive for us to try and work out how to deal with this, rather than resigning ourselves to sudden emigration or death (or both).

 

Well, I am certainly glad you found the information helpful and you are most welcome.



#27 DrKrettin

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Posted 03 July 2017 - 03:48 AM

To follow up on this thread, I would like to add that my wife says that the information gleaned has been far more than just useful and has in fact had a very positive effect on how she is dealing with the situation. She has been reading up on the links provided and is becoming increasingly convinced that the friend is indeed not on the Asperger's spectrum but definitely shows all the traits of DPD. The valuable part of this is that she can learn the appropriate responses and not get stressed by not knowing how to behave. As an Asperger's herself, this is immensely important for her, because social interaction is usually a big problem.

 

I'll spare you most of the detail, but the picture emerging is made up of behaviour which now fits a clear DPD pattern. For example, this week the friend has to undergo relatively trivial surgery, and a third person kindly offered to drive her to hospital. But she didn't want that - she wanted my wife to drive her, be with her until the operation and be there when she comes round from the anaesthetic. Now that she knows what is going on, the wife actually took a step back, and is prepared to take her home when released a day or two later, but that's it. The friend also requires continuous wall-to-wall sympathy via social media because of the impending surgery and associated dietary restrictions, behaving as if she were having open heart surgery instead of a gall bladder removal. ("The odds are in my favour..."). The wife has not responded to the pleas for sympathy in an overtly dramatic manner, so friend is sulking. The distancing starts here, but it is difficult to do without seeming unkind.

 

It does seem unlikely that the woman would agree to more therapy to help with a self-awareness and enable her to have more normal human contact. As much as I would like to help this woman, I don't see what we could do if she is not willing to help herself, and my main concern is ultimately the effect she has been having on my wife.

 

Predictably, the wife has suddenly become angry and resentful after a few years of frustration, so the past few days have been a bit of a white-knuckle ride, and I have been going on long solitary walks. But that is only temporary, already improving, and a necessary part of the process, and she is delighted with the revelation and the situation can only get better. So thanks again.



#28 OceanBreeze

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Posted 03 July 2017 - 05:32 AM

You had the courage to ask the question and provided enough information so that the pieces of the puzzle could fit together. I hope things get better from here on out, for everyone concerned.