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The Sick Man And The Prostitute


petrushkagoogol
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Truly inspiring ! Let me assure you that I belong to the clique of chronically ill individuals and have struggled with issues of low self esteem and depression. In such scenarios you search for someone who can understand your pain and the rest follows.

I understand what you mean now, I did seek out people who understood my delima. It never occurred to me that prostitutes might be source of solace.

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"They held each other and kissed. And pushed each other's darkness into the corner, believing in each others' light. Each others' dream"

-Hubert Selby, Jr

 

This is not  healthy relationship but those are boring anyway.

 

My disease is of the mind. Of all the extremely harmful real drugs I've abused, nothing could make me worse than I already was.

 

They say ASD, but I think this 'pervasive developmental disorder' really has nothing to do with autism. Bobby Fischer and Magnus Carlsen, Chess savants, don't have the autism chromosome imo. I call it super sanity, a prognosis invented in the comic book "Arkham Asylum" to explain how someone as severely mentally ill as the Joker can function and commit superhumanly elaborate criminal acts because of his deep understanding of psychology. Unlike Lex Luthor the Joker uses shock, he uses terrorism, unpredictability is his weapon. In chess that is the key to Bobby Fischer's ability to recognize and exploit the patterns of play of the other grandmasters in a world where the combinations of possible 40+ games exceed the number of stars in the galaxy. You can't go at it with a sane, rational, mind. No sane rational mind can invent calculus following weeks of seclusion like Isaac Newton or in the case of Jake Barnett, spend months in seclusion doing 4 years worth of college weighted high school math courses. 

 

People like this often have personality disorders, it's called dissociation from reality, you live in your own little world and normal life is hopeless. And in the case of Bobby Fischer, as he got older, being subjected to poverty just after becoming world chess champ he no longer hid the fact that he was insane and expressed is irrational views openly, becoming labeled insane. 

 

I walk a very thin line between pre-champ Fischer and post-champ Fischer who would end up throwing away millions and live in poverty and even being kicked out of the country, and I need someone who understand my pain. Because it's hard not to act on irrational impulses, and when we do we never know if we'll end up in prison or something. 

 

I've been handcuffed, forget cocaine and weed (the street drugs I've used), legally I've done worse by mixing prescribed benzos and stimulants and abusing cough and cold medicine and have been handcuffed and forced into rehab. These are legal dissociatives, but I ended up being able to see things like moves in chess or mathematical proofs that other people my age are rarely able to because of those drugs, because I came back after having my perception altered in those high states, I've even played chess high on dxm and improved playing high on dxm. A horrible drug that destroys your memory. But I stopped abusing that particular drug and have found that my memory is still better than anyone I know, and that's the gift of the PDD. But I'm a recluse, I struggle to adapt in the real world. 

 

Heroine can lead to prostitution in the blink of an eye if one runs short, the 'hangover' of the heroine high you're no longer able to deal with challenges, I could relate to a person like that and find a deeper and more fulfilling 'love' than otherwise possible. Soldiers facing traumatizing situations, victims of slavery, these people stuck together and they had a special bond with each other that would be impossible for people outside of their circle because they kept each other alive!

 

I don't believe in love, I believe in the love hormone, oxytocin, and it's restorative effects on damaged minds and bodies.  It has been shown to increase longevity, promote weight loss, health, and mental well-being, oxytocin is the most potent and at the same time dangerous drug of all. 

 

P.S. triple c's are non-addictive and can help one get over heroine better than anything else.

 

I mean, I was under for about 12 hours first time I popped 5 coricidin. Now it takes about 12 coricidin but that is powerful stuff if anyone is looking to get over heroine without turning to prostitution to get more heroine. \

 

Stuff can eventually destroy your liver and your brain but I'll wager that's better than being a full-time heroine junkie if you don't over-do during your manic opiate withdrawal phase. 

Edited by Super Polymath
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