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Top Science Jokes

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#1 Gregb



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Posted 27 March 2014 - 10:12 AM

List your favorites!


Why did the physicist disconnect his doorbell?
He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
What did one uranium-238 nucleus say to the other?
"Gotta split!"
Where does a chemist put the dishes?
In the Zinc!
Who's there?
Knock knock.
(I suppose that's relatively funny.)
Two fermions walk into a bar. One orders a drink.
The other says "I'll have what he's having."
A neutron walks into a bar, sits down and asks for a drink. Finishing, the neutron asks "How much?"
The bartender says, "For you, no charge."
Two hydrogen atoms bumped into each other recently. One said: "Why do you look so sad?"
The other responded: "I lost an electron."
Concerned, One asked "Are you sure?"
The other replied "I'm positive."
What is the Heineken Uncertainty Principle?
You can never be sure how many beers you had last night!
How do you spot a chemist in the bathroom?
He's the one who washes his hands BEFORE peeing!
Why are quantum physicists so bad at sex?
Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position!

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#2 arissa



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Posted 28 March 2014 - 06:43 AM

I remember a high school teacher telling the class this many years ago. For some reason it has always stuck with me, I love nerdy jokes too so if you have any bring them on!


Have you heard the one about the sick chemist? If you can't helium, and you can't curium, you'll probably have to barium.

Edited by arissa, 28 March 2014 - 06:44 AM.

#3 Gregb



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Posted 29 March 2014 - 01:42 PM

How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.

#4 arKane



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Posted 30 March 2014 - 02:55 PM

I think this quaulafies as a science joke. :bounce:


At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking
Organic Chemistry. They were doing so well on all the
quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an "A" so
far for the semester. These four friends were so confident
that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up
to the University of Virginia and party with some friends

They had a great time, but after all the hearty partying,
they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke
until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final
then, they decided to find their professor after the final
and explain to him why they missed it. They explained that
they had gone to UVA for the weekend with the plan to come
back in time to study, but, unfortunately, they had a flat
tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get
help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.

The professor thought it over and then agreed they could
make up the final the following day. The guys were elated
and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next
day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them
in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet,
and told them to begin.

They looked at the first problem, worth five points. It was
something simple about free radical formation. "Cool," they
thought at the same time, each one in his separate room,
"this is going to be easy."

Each finished the problem and then turned the page. On the
second page was written: (For 95 points): Which tire?

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#5 adelarot



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Posted 04 February 2019 - 06:48 AM

  1. Q: How do astronomers organize a party?

A: They planet.


2. Q: Why can’t you trust an atom?

A: Because they make up everything.


3. I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can’t put it down.


4. What do clouds do when they become rich? They make it rain!


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