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I have been inspired by some of the recent theological debates and came to the conclusion that since there is a gap between science and faith in understanding the nature of God, that we would use the

Hey kids, vote for me and I'll set you free!   #1 I'll repeal the speed of light speed limit! #2 I'll change the laws of physics to make the Star Trek Universe Real! #3 No one need want for anything

If elected, I will make the following statement:   I resign. From here on, you're on your own. Anything that goes wrong is your fault - don't blame Me for it. Likewise, anything that goes right, you c

I have proposed that chicks will not be above a size 8 (I have determined this from talking with some hot chicks at work). Cowhead has proposed genetically curing the issue of fat chicks. Where do the rest of the candidates stand on the fat chicks issue? We will get on to the less important issues such as origin of the universe, freedom of religion, etc, after this one has been thoroughly discussed.

 

Bill

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TheBigDog is a flip flopping candidate, no better than your common politician. Please see the transcripts from previous posts.

 

I have proposed that chicks will not be above a size 8 (I have determined this from talking with some hot chicks at work). Cowhead has proposed genetically curing the issue of fat chicks. Where do the rest of the candidates stand on the fat chicks issue? We will get on to the less important issues such as origin of the universe, freedom of religion, etc, after this one has been thoroughly discussed.

 

Bill

 

Now compare it to his originally stated position....

 

When elected I will do the following...

 


  1. No woman will wear bigger than a size 8.
  2. Women will find sci-fi and speaking of technical specs to be the most powerful of aphrodisiacs.
  3. Breasts will have a very slight strawberry flavoring.
  4. Hypography members will have the ability to stop time for up to one hour to contemplate their next move.
  5. I will bring Jesus to life and have him write a "Cliff's Notes" for the bible.
  6. I will grant power of intelligent design to anyone who wants to enter what they build in a televised battle to the death.
  7. Dogs will stop shedding on the carpet.
  8. I will let people trade one of their senses for x-ray vision.
  9. For Guadelupe Pi will = 3
  10. There will be a doorway to anyplace you can imagine, but everyone has to share it.

 

Bill

 

He was originally only against women wearing bigger than a size 8, meaning he wanted all women larger than a size 8 to walk around naked. Is this not an asinine platform? He thinks that we would be better off with hot women clothed and fat women naked!

 

A flip flop artist and prejudice against hot women. Can we really trust TheBigDog???

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I have proposed that chicks will not be above a size 8 (I have determined this from talking with some hot chicks at work). Cowhead has proposed genetically curing the issue of fat chicks. Where do the rest of the candidates stand on the fat chicks issue? We will get on to the less important issues such as origin of the universe, freedom of religion, etc, after this one has been thoroughly discussed.

 

My Dogma heedeth not size, but loveth ALL hot chicks, in their multitudes, and nations, and tongues.

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Hello, my name is Ares. I embrace the politics of anything goes.

 

Some of my more informed readers are right now thinking I stole the above line from Barack Obama. Well, I’ve got news for ya. Obama stole the “audacity of hope” from a homeless 8 year old girl... right before he stole her candy and told her there was no Santa Clause. I know this - for, I’m a god.

 

I’m not just any god you see. I’m a god of war. Heroes worship me and leaders call my name. Oh, yes, I’m Ares and the powerful tremble at my feet. When the president kneels at the presidential bed, imagine who he kneels to? When he asks for power, who but I gives it? When he thirsts for destruction, who but I answers the call? For I am Ares and the powerful prostrate in my name.

 

So let’s look at these other weak and feeble gods whom you place your misguided faith.

 

#2 I'll change the laws of physics to make the Star Trek Universe Real!

 

Yeah, vote for Captain Kirk here if you want Klingons enslaving your planet. For I am Ares the destroyer of worlds.

 

#6 I'll build another universe and let humanity have a say in how it operates!

 

And I will destroy this petty universe and give the plunder to my followers.

 

If elected, I will make the following statement:

I resign.

 

This will make overthrowing your rule very much easier I should think.

 

I am Thunderbird, keeper of all records of life on this planet

 

When I am elected, you shall be my bookkeeper.

 

Vote for me and you will get a free ticket into heaven.

 

Vote for him and you will get a free spear through the torso hastening your arrival into said heaven which will soon burn in the fires of my hatred. For I am Ares.

 

If I am elected, I will humanely solve the Earth's population problem.

 

I assure you, population will not be a problem in my rule.

 

Vote for me, and I will do everything all my opponents promise

 

I promise to utterly destroy you.

 

You'll get nothing but straight talk from me

 

Yes, keep talking as I get my spear.

 

It is hard to top those powerful words. Whose your speak writer?

 

Me

 

Let me restate my platform.

 

NO

 

I would like to enter my name into the running.

 

NO

 

It's more of the same spite and brimstone. We need change!

 

Yes! We need new and better fire and brimstone with which to destroy you. For I am Ares. The earth trembles at my feet.

 

TheBigDog is a flip flopping candidate

 

He will be when I’m done with him.

 

The election will be in one month; September 2nd.

 

The election will be when I say it is to be. For I am Ares and... actually, Yeah, Sep. 2nd sounds fine.

 

If anyone has questions on my platform - go ahead and ask. My answer will be your quick and utter destruction. For I am Ares and I answer to no one.

 

~modest Ares

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It is hard to top those powerful words. Whose your speak writer?

Me

You're fired.

 

Edit:

 

And I mean FIRED, as in burning in hell for eternity.

 

And you wonder why you need a speechwriter :confused:

 

As the dialectic talents of my opposition demonstrate no need for me to handle this election directly, I’m going to let my spokesperson Killface handle things here on earth while I attend to things that demand the attention of a true god.

 

Everyone, say hi to Killface.. and oh, yeah, tremble in fear:

 

YouTube - Best Of Killface http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTwW7zPTnD4

 

~ modest Ares Killface

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I'm quite sure that humans are tired of confusing pantheism, Modest, Ares, whatever you want to call yourself today.

 

Might I remind you mortals, Ares is the god of bloodlust. :evil:

The supposed son of Zeus, my grandchild, Ares is really a rebellious young god still going through puberty. Obviously we need change, but a good change, free of bloodlust and aged in wisdom.

 

Vote for me, a God you can believe in! :)

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I'm quite sure that humans are tired of confusing pantheism, Modest, Ares, whatever you want to call yourself today.

 

Might I remind you mortals, Ares is the god of bloodlust. :evil:

The supposed son of Zeus, my grandchild, Ares is really a rebellious young god still going through puberty. Obviously we need change, but a good change, free of bloodlust and aged in wisdom.

 

Vote for me, a God you can believe in! :)

 

Ares shall be be cast down, to becometh speech writer of Mephistopheles. If he be lucky.

 

Wherefore I say unto you, All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men: but the blasphemy against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven unto men. Thou and Aries, share wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, and foolishness.

 

I know thy works, and tribulation, and poverty, I know the blasphemy of them which say they are Gods, and are not, but are the synagogue of Satan.

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The Universe is Eternal. Free will is absolute. We are not in a clock-works-universe. The larger things are the more predictable they are; the smaller things are the less predictable they are. Black holes are the method of recycling the universe. Black holes accumulate turning matter into black matter. Eventually a black hole becomes so massive that the pressure in the hole overcomes the gravity and it explodes/expands into an event that we recognize as the Big Bang. The inside of such an event appears to have an "edge of the universe", but observation will show that matter in the universe is increasing as the explosion overcomes things that were originally on the outside. This also skews methods of determining the age of the universe through observation.

 

As God all of this will become fact.

 

Bill

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