Thunderbird Posted March 19, 2008 Report Share Posted March 19, 2008 If the dog doesn't catch the pig, you eat the dog. Then Bush should be on a spit. If you don't hear from me again I'll be at GETMO.:bwa: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Turtle Posted March 19, 2008 Report Share Posted March 19, 2008 PS - now I've made it sound hard - you know what you need to start - 5 minutes! 5 minutes of material is a fairly standard 'open mic' set. An open mic is a pro MC introducing new acts. Or sometimes a new act can be an open mic slot in a pro show. 5 minutes sounds like nothing, but on stage it is more than long enough to do a short routine. Hint - write fifteen minutes (or more) then edit out everything you can except the funniest stuff, then have a go. Some clubs are very strict on time limits. Get this right. Some won't have you back if you go over time. Learn the time slot they want, and learn to keep to it. ... Not a dissimilar preparation to any public speaking, and good advice. Did you hear about the clever comedian who came to a club fight with a bomb? :) Screw the clubs closet comedians; broadcast yourselves!!! :bwa: (best viewed full screen for full club bomb effect; imagine if it had an audio track. :D)YouTube - Beyond News!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLHrDHZXGqg Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeztar Posted March 19, 2008 Report Share Posted March 19, 2008 CNN Headline News, April 1 2008Crawford TxPresident Bush shoots his own hunting dog after an unsuccessful hunting trip. When reporters asked why he would do such a thing, the President stated........ "It wasn't me, it was Cheney." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ahmabeliever Posted March 20, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 20, 2008 Then Bush should be on a spit. If you don't hear from me again I'll be at GETMO. Aww, I only took a few seconds at it before dashing off to an appointment. Thing is, it's a true quote from a cook islander I met here. He said. In the islands we go pig hunting, and if the dog doesn't catch the pig, we eat the dog. It's a cultural thing. Like eating bugs... President Bush shoots his own hunting dog after an unsuccessful hunting trip. When reporters asked why he would do such a thing, the President stated........ When we returned to the car I turned around and the dog wasn't with us. If you're not with us, you're against us. :) By the way where were you when we was huntin? Hey Dick, hand me my gun again. When reporters asked why he would do such a thing, the President stated........ Dang thing misfired, I knew I should never have used a gun made by (competitors name here), can we get a close up of a real gun? When reporters asked why he would do such a thing, the President stated........ Why, hell son, everybody knows reptiles hate dogs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
freeztar Posted March 20, 2008 Report Share Posted March 20, 2008 When we returned to the car I turned around and the dog wasn't with us. If you're not with us, you're against us. That's the best one imo. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ahmabeliever Posted March 20, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 20, 2008 Let's make it a bit different, political stuff is difficult as, for me anyway, it's so boring. New idiots doing the same old turkey dance... Black comedy is supposed to be the hardest, and the topic matter makes it obvious why. Disaster, murder, rape. Not funny subjects at all. Another comic and I took it as a personal challenge to make a funny rape joke, sick I know, but we were both bored and trying to push the limit. The subject's just not funny, unless the attacker is wearing a gorilla suit in a Jim Carey movie. The other guy did make it funny once, he wore a stack hat and dressed funny - somehow the character could get a laugh from saying the line - rape, is it funny or isn't it?.. priceless, you had to be there I guess. So it has been made 'funny', and then repeated ad nauseum with animal rape in teeny flicks that are meant to be comedy (comedy for the retarded, it's a new pc way to include them) Now that we know that subject can possibly be 'funny', we can tactfully sidestep it and concentrate on other black comedy subject matter. DISASTER! TERRORISM! MURDER! POVERTY! DISEASE! Is everything funny? I did this gig in Iraq some guy jumps up, yells out "you suck!" then blows himself up. Last time I do a gig in a cave. - NZ Comic, Brendhan Lovegrove. (also the legend who did the rape line and made it funny) A planeload of lesbians crashed into the Andes and tried to survive by having to eating each other. Imagine that... lesbians eating each other. But they all died, as they couldn't chew through the dungarees. - NZ Comic, Paul Ego. Time to get a glass of wine and see if I can find examples or make some up for the other subjects. We got a comedy festival coming up ooo goodie! I'ma gonna go to like 20 shows! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thunderbird Posted March 20, 2008 Report Share Posted March 20, 2008 So it has been made 'funny', and then repeated ad nauseum with animal rape in teeny flicks that are meant to be comedy (comedy for the retarded, it's a new pc way to include them) Now that we know that subject can possibly be 'funny', we can tactfully sidestep it and concentrate on other black comedy subject matter. DISASTER! TERRORISM! MURDER! POVERTY! DISEASE! Is everything funny? I did this gig in Iraq some guy jumps up, yells out "you suck!" then blows himself up. Last time I do a gig in a cave. - NZ Comic, Brendhan Lovegrove. (also the legend who did the rape line and made it funny) A planeload of lesbians crashed into the Andes and tried to survive by having to eating e Have you heard of the joke called “The Aristocrats” Or seen the documentary on this Infamous “Dirtiest joke ever told” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Turtle Posted March 20, 2008 Report Share Posted March 20, 2008 Have you heard of the joke called “The Aristocrats” Or seen the documentary on this Infamous “Dirtiest joke ever told” :lol: :hihi: post #29 >> tasteless jokes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thunderbird Posted March 20, 2008 Report Share Posted March 20, 2008 :lol: :hihi: post #29 >> tasteless jokes Even with the S--t it was still a very clean version of the joke. Gilbert Godfre pulled the joke off at a Hue Hefner roast and had his fellow comedians rolling in the floor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thunderbird Posted March 20, 2008 Report Share Posted March 20, 2008 http://http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5704880665685217838&q=gilbert+godfree+The+Aristocrats&total=40&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=2 http://http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5704880665685217838&q=gilbert+godfree+The+Aristocrats&total=40&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=2 Here it is...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thunderbird Posted March 20, 2008 Report Share Posted March 20, 2008 This is the south park version of the joke. http://http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1633060083943529950 http://http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1633060083943529950 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ahmabeliever Posted March 20, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 20, 2008 Posts went up fast - haven't heard the worst or dirtiest joke, am about to... Don't think I have. I could probably compete. 95% ish of new comics do gross out and sex material till they realise all the other amateurs are doing the same and the pros talk about things other than getting laid unless you're Andrew Dice Clay - worse comeback in the history of stand up, he has lost it. Not a chip, the whole damn potato on his shoulder. According to Wikipedia, ADC is a 'blue comic'. Got sidetracked by a street party last night so I got to drink plenty wine and write 0 funnies. What stone's unturned.... POVERTY! - We were poor, my father asked me what I wanted for Christmas I said, "something to wear, and something to play with". He gave me a pair of shorts with the pockets cut out. - Billy T James - NZ Legend. MURDER! - Why is it so hard to solve a redneck murder?1. All the DNA is the same.2. There are no dental records. - unknown. DISEASE! - The difference between herpes and love is that herpes last forever - unknown. As you can see I'm not pushing myself to write on these subjects, I'm hungover, alcohol can swing both ways with creativity, it's only real creative use in moderation, or with extreme sickness the next day for writing morbid stuff. I'm not sick, but I'm not very bright. It's Easter! Hmmm And Jesus did go into the house with a women of ill repute and was there for an interminably long time. The screams and gasps could be heard from all on the street. "He casts out demons" said a follower "Yes, they all replied" as the noises continued. Jesus did stay and minister to the women twice through the passing of the sun. And on the 3rd day, he rose again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thunderbird Posted March 20, 2008 Report Share Posted March 20, 2008 The documentary on the aristocrat joke shows that this joke was just told between comedians. What is interesting is that they would tell the joke to each other making it up any way they could, and to make it as offensive as possible. They felt that it was a cathartic exercise, and a comment on the balance between what is offensive and what is humorous. The context of Gilbert Godfre’s using the joke was a response to making a 911 joke that got some groans. Instead of backing down he jumped the fence and told the aristocrat joke. That took balls, and in the context of the telling made for a milestone in comedic history. He is now held by his peers a real hero for pulling off a joke that until then was considered taboo and off limit to a public performance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ahmabeliever Posted March 20, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 20, 2008 Another legend like Brendhan. I like it! The what is taboo, what is not is never far from a comics mind. The 'edge' is the best fun to play, but also the riskiest. Perhaps this is why it's such fun. I enjoy 'safe' comedy, but prefer it edgy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alexander Posted March 21, 2008 Report Share Posted March 21, 2008 i posted this to the quality jokes an humor page, but nobody has discussed it, so i figured you guys can dissect this joke (especially ahabeleiver, you are my humor authority). I took some time to write this one, so let's see how it goes over with you guys: Pamela Anderson has just replaced "Top Thrill Dragster" as world's #2 rollercoaster, she now gives more rides then the "Super man". here is some more (picture) humor: computer people will find this especially funny[img=http://hypography.com/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=2142&stc=1&d=1206111572]http://hypography.com/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=2142&stc=1&d=1206111572[/img] the other image is kind of big, so see the thumbnail, but i think you will get the pany zip tie humor (comes in different colors) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ahmabeliever Posted March 21, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 21, 2008 Ahhh, delving into blue comedy now. The Super - man - is there another rollercoaster so it doesn't sound like a persona. Joke sounds like superman's been giving out favours round town. 'The placing' doesn't matter. Pamela gives more rides than...... says the same thing. The original joke assumes I know what the superman is - I didn't - but the joke may work on locals... You could use the same joke and add... But you're not allowed on unless you're this high.... or when asked about this particular claim to fame Pamela said, I can take children two at a time. And many more, the subject is massive, pun intended. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ahmabeliever Posted March 24, 2008 Author Report Share Posted March 24, 2008 New subject matter - Easter. 2000 years of holidays and chocolate eggs, praise the lord! - Benjamin Crellin. Do your darndest! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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