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Is it possible to have subconcious fear of certain people?


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#1 bochen2

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Posted 12 October 2008 - 02:09 PM

Every time my parents walk in on me I get "spooked" and my whole body shivers for a moment and shudder uncontrollably for a split second. I don't know why... I didn't have the best of relationships with them when I was a child so could this be subconsciously programed and ingrained into my psyche and I just react to it like a reflex without even thinking or knowing about it?

This only happens with my parents and no one else, especially happens with my father...

It annoys the crap out of me that I can't control or explain this weird behavior and inside fear of some sorts. Is this a reason or cause to this?

#2 Essay

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Posted 12 October 2008 - 03:54 PM

...so could this be subconsciously programed and ingrained into my psyche and I just react to it like a reflex without even thinking or knowing about it? Is this [there?] a reason or cause to this?

Yep, ...but not one that you can pinpoint, define, or understand with 100% success. As you said, "...subconsciously programed and ingrained into my psyche."

I won't try to say if this is due to some explicit or implicit neglect/abuse, or if it is most likely from the so very normal "warping" which growing up in a family must almost unavoidably create; but....

IMO, it would be odd if you didn't have some galvanic response when folks enter into your space (consciousness). ...And wondering about it, ...noticing it, makes it that much more forceful in your consciousness (and subconsciousness). ;)

But either way, it is a great motivator. Explore your memories, explore your goals and motives/ethics; read about therapies and theories of psychology. Ask (someday maybe); it's possible your father experienced something similar growing up with his family.

From one perspective, that's a father's job; that is, to make you think (what have I done wrong...what should I do right....), and to motivate you to want your own reality ...and get away from that nagging consciousness.

... & Expect to wait for a few more cycles of development and experience to be in the past before you can more fully understand and integrate these kinds of feelings.

Cheers!
~ :naughty:

p.s.
And realize that you are the eyes of your ancestors hopes, dreams, and struggles; still waiting to see how this will all work out.
What a privilege to be here on Earth, at this exciting time.

#3 mynah

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Posted 17 October 2008 - 11:01 PM

bochen2
Some fears that appear irrational may have their origin in very early childhood, at the age when you start to explore and come up against many unknown - and sometimes frightening - things. At that age you may interpret certain actions - punishment, or even teasing when you get things wrong - as much more serious than they had been intended to be. Perhaps you were "caught out" doing something that you were made to feel ashamed of. Try to pinpoint which settings spook you out most, and which least: That might give an indication of the root of your fear.

#4 Kriminal99

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Posted 02 December 2008 - 08:38 AM

Every time my parents walk in on me I get "spooked" and my whole body shivers for a moment and shudder uncontrollably for a split second. I don't know why... I didn't have the best of relationships with them when I was a child so could this be subconsciously programed and ingrained into my psyche and I just react to it like a reflex without even thinking or knowing about it?

This only happens with my parents and no one else, especially happens with my father...

It annoys the crap out of me that I can't control or explain this weird behavior and inside fear of some sorts. Is this a reason or cause to this?


Well yeah, but there is nothing mystical about it. That part of your mind just looks at your past experiences and determines what is likely going to occur, and then communicates the results through instinct and emotions.

Defeating it would consist of standing up to your parents with the mindset that you can do whatever you want with your room and their potential judgements are ignorant and meaningless.

#5 pamela

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Posted 02 December 2008 - 09:20 AM

Kriminal, he does not have a clue what his parents thoughts, and judgements are, much less that they are meaningless and ignorant.Getting this guy angry and in conflict with his parents is the last thing he should do. Bochen, definitely look deep inside and try to understand where your fear is originating from. Your memories and perceptions from childhood can sometimes be askew.Their view of the relationship with you might be different from yours. Talk to your parents, especially your father, and let them know how you feel. Stay calm and be clear and concise. They may not even be aware that this is going on, so be prepared for hurt feelings. But it is best that you get it out in the open, what ever the outcome. If it goes badly, then I suggest you find someone who can help you work this out.

#6 cascadiamax

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Posted 02 December 2008 - 11:12 AM

"Is it possible to have subconscious fear of certain people?"

It is possible. The body has a sense of things that cannot be understood by rational thinking alone. This sense is what gave rise to a phrase like "gut instincts" or "trust your heart."

Hanging around horses is a good way to get in touch with these senses. Hence the term "horse sense."

A lot of growing up is about learning how to feel and how to express feelings. Being able to reason with feelings is the holy grail of consensus - a concurrence in everyone's senses.

Through verbal and other abuses, perceptions and feelings are conditioned to be hidden or avoided. Intellect becomes king, and sensitivity is labeled bad. When feelings show up in a big way later on, they are difficult to deal with, and tend to be destructive on ourselves and others.

There are two good books to go deeper deeper with this.

The Tao of Eqqus

and

The Verbally Abusive Relationship: and How to Recognize It and How to Respond

#7 dannieyankee

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Posted 09 May 2009 - 01:56 PM

Technically speaking, people do have a fear.

I know that there was a study that proved that (correct me if I'm wrong) white people have an automatic 'fear-type' thing when they encounter black people, which lasts a split second.

Angry looking people, you tend to fear.

I know whenever my dad comes home or enters my room I get that feeling. That's only because humans fear pain and punishment; if you associate pain and punishment with certain people or certain facial expressions, then yes, you might have a subconscious fear for someone you otherwise get along with.

#8 pamela

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Posted 10 May 2009 - 08:34 AM

I know that there was a study that proved that (correct me if I'm wrong) white people have an automatic 'fear-type' thing when they encounter black people, which lasts a split second.

Dannie, i have never heard of such, have you a link?
Personally, i do not have an immediate reactive fear to anyone or even angry faces. However, there have been a few people that have triggered an overwhelming uneasy feeling within minutes of observation.I would find out in time, that a few of these had committed heinous acts

#9 dannieyankee

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Posted 10 May 2009 - 10:24 AM

Dannie, i have never heard of such, have you a link?
Personally, i do not have an immediate reactive fear to anyone or even angry faces. However, there have been a few people that have triggered an overwhelming uneasy feeling within minutes of observation.I would find out in time, that a few of these had committed heinous acts


Alas, I was unable to find it on the internet with a quick search; perhaps it was in a different source, i.e. Time or something like that.

I've always had this idea in my head that people who commit heinous acts sort of send signals of having done said act. Maybe it has some basis?

#10 pamela

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Posted 10 May 2009 - 11:09 AM

well Dannie, maybe i can find it:)
I am not sure about the signals or exactly why i felt as such. Really kinda strange, i admit. Some people are really good at masking their behaviour. I had a friend once, who completely fooled me. Now granted, i am the type of person that always tries to see the good in people, and hence has put me in a couple of situations, that should have been avoided. I have become more cautious and intuitive as the years have gone by, as was certainly needed. Any how this friend, went to great lengths to fabricate a story of love and marriage proposal from a wonderful guy in a beautiful mountain setting on the previous weekend. I of course was happy for her. But come to find out, to my extreme horror, was a weekend of a brutal killing, dismemberment, and burning of evidence in the mountains. I was in complete shock as i saw the true story unfold on the news. I totally missed that signal if it was there.

#11 lemit

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Posted 10 May 2009 - 05:47 PM

bochen2,

I know exactly what you are going through. I too went through it with my parents when they were still alive, but I learned to manage the reaction.

The way I dealt with it was to accept it as a legitimate part of myself, although I never fully understood its foundations. With the acceptance that part of me seemed to be afraid of my parents (whom I loved very much and now miss every day), I was able to make the fear reaction shorter and shorter, until it was finally more a memory than a feeling.

A very important multiplier of the reaction is the embarrassment it causes. You become afraid you're going to look like you're afraid.

I gained the ability to process those complex, inexplicable emotions by going through six years of therapy. I would recommend it. Who knows, maybe even if you can't deal with those emotions, you can deal with enough other emotions to diffuse the internal complexities and gain the space to handle your fear reactions.

Good luck.

--lemit

#12 dannieyankee

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Posted 10 May 2009 - 07:08 PM

well Dannie, maybe i can find it:)
I am not sure about the signals or exactly why i felt as such. Really kinda strange, i admit. Some people are really good at masking their behaviour. I had a friend once, who completely fooled me. Now granted, i am the type of person that always tries to see the good in people, and hence has put me in a couple of situations, that should have been avoided. I have become more cautious and intuitive as the years have gone by, as was certainly needed. Any how this friend, went to great lengths to fabricate a story of love and marriage proposal from a wonderful guy in a beautiful mountain setting on the previous weekend. I of course was happy for her. But come to find out, to my extreme horror, was a weekend of a brutal killing, dismemberment, and burning of evidence in the mountains. I was in complete shock as i saw the true story unfold on the news. I totally missed that signal if it was there.


Alas, I am like you; it's very hard for me to see anyone in a bad light, and if I do I override it with a more positive light.

I suppose we instinctively put up a field and refuse to see any lies in a situation that may impact us emotionally; logically thinking, wouldn't this be a sort of biological 'safe' method of keeping us from extreme pain? And, of course, I think humans tend to see the rational and logical, and look for puzzles. If your friend never killed or dismembered someone before and you see the act as irrational and illogical, it would be more difficult for you to come up with that concept as opposed to seeing a complete stranger, who has no emotional affect on you, committing something much more common, such as a robbery or a normal, non-dismembered murder of another stranger of whom you have no idea whether or not they knew.

#13 pamela

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Posted 10 May 2009 - 07:52 PM

I am not sure if this person had murdered before the said incident. This was almost 20 years ago, but i do remember replaying the conversations in my head to see if i had missed any clues as to the deception. I imagine if in the same situation now, i would be able to see through the lies or at least realize a red flag

#14 dannieyankee

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Posted 12 May 2009 - 02:27 PM

I am not sure if this person had murdered before the said incident. This was almost 20 years ago, but i do remember replaying the conversations in my head to see if i had missed any clues as to the deception. I imagine if in the same situation now, i would be able to see through the lies or at least realize a red flag


Do you think that between the time you thought they were innocent and now that there has been evidence provided to you to assert this idea?

To reword, did something happen that made you think they were capable of said act?

#15 mynah

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Posted 12 May 2009 - 03:02 PM

well Dannie, maybe i can find it:)
I am not sure about the signals or exactly why i felt as such. Really kinda strange, i admit. Some people are really good at masking their behaviour. I had a friend once, who completely fooled me. Now granted, i am the type of person that always tries to see the good in people, and hence has put me in a couple of situations, that should have been avoided. I have become more cautious and intuitive as the years have gone by, as was certainly needed. Any how this friend, went to great lengths to fabricate a story of love and marriage proposal from a wonderful guy in a beautiful mountain setting on the previous weekend. I of course was happy for her. But come to find out, to my extreme horror, was a weekend of a brutal killing, dismemberment, and burning of evidence in the mountains. I was in complete shock as i saw the true story unfold on the news. I totally missed that signal if it was there.

Your friend killed someone, was involved with someone who killed someone, was forced to cover up a murder, or was an innocent witness? Each is a scenario way outside normal experience, and knowing how to deal with it would be very difficult for both you and the friend - whether the friend was guilty or not.

#16 pamela

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Posted 12 May 2009 - 05:17 PM

Do you think that between the time you thought they were innocent and now that there has been evidence provided to you to assert this idea?

To reword, did something happen that made you think they were capable of said act?

hmmm. I had always wondered if she had been telling me the truth about her boyfriend, before the incident.She was one of my clients that i had befriended, so mainly our friendship was on the phone. She lived about an hours drive away.Once, when we had visited i had met her friend.The way they interacted with each other, would have suggested they were estranged lovers. I did not ask, and she did not say.When the news story unfolded, they were indeed lovers. The friend was leaving her and taking their son(whom the friend had birthed for them) and was leaving her.Best as i can figure, my friend, in a twisted maternal rage and control issues, killed her lover. The romantic weekend in the mountains, was for burning her dismembered body. Honestly, never dare to assume that you really know someone. If there were red flags other than lying about her being a lesbian, i must have missed them.I knew she had committed the crime, when i saw her eyes on the news.Even in her verbal denial, her stone cold empty look, gave her away.

Your friend killed someone, was involved with someone who killed someone, was forced to cover up a murder, or was an innocent witness? Each is a scenario way outside normal experience, and knowing how to deal with it would be very difficult for both you and the friend - whether the friend was guilty or not.

well, i felt betrayed, frightened, angry and finally sad.I could not bring myself to visit her in prison or to ever write her, i let the friendship die. I have oftened wondered what had became of their son. Both my friends mom and the 4 year old son, were present at the murder. Infact, her mom, tried to help cover it up. I hope that the son was able to get past that horrific nitemare and have a well adjusted life.
We all suffer emotional trauma in our lives, and often times it is not easy getting past that. I choose to not walk in fear, anger and mistrust;it is far better to hope and see the good in people.I am more intuitive though, and able to clearly see when some one or something is amiss

#17 dannieyankee

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Posted 12 May 2009 - 09:07 PM

[quote name='pamela']hmmm. I had always wondered if she had been telling me the truth about her boyfriend, before the incident.She was one of my clients that i had befriended, so mainly our friendship was on the phone. She lived about an hours drive away.Once, when we had visited i had met her friend.The way they interacted with each other, would have suggested they were estranged lovers. I did not ask, and she did not say.When the news story unfolded, they were indeed lovers. The friend was leaving her and taking their son(whom the friend had birthed for them) and was leaving her.Best as i can figure, my friend, in a twisted maternal rage and control issues, killed her lover. The romantic weekend in the mountains, was for burning her dismembered body. Honestly, never dare to assume that you really know someone. If there were red flags other than lying about her being a lesbian, i must have missed them.I knew she had committed the crime, when i saw her eyes on the news.Even in her verbal denial, her stone cold empty look, gave her away.


This is hard to follow - did she dismember her boyfriend or apparent lesbian lover?

So, did you trust her BEFORE you discovered she killed someone?