I would say face the fact you were bullied as a kid, and that you took a losers way out. Bullying is as common among adolescent mammals as eating, its how we develop hierarchys and social structure. Instead of manning up to the bullies and throwing out some pain back at them, making you "no fun" to them, you decided to correlate taking a loss with suicide. Maybe theres a missing link I dont see here, but really I would say quit pitying yourself and man up. Take up drinking with buddies if you have to, but dont bother if you still feel some form of guilt or pity on yourself, because then you'll just become an alcoholic. Realize that whoever those bullies were, theyre probably pretty damned sorry over how they acted as kids, and if theyre not, theyre probably living in a trailer.