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Well why not, we have forums on everything else here

I guess the inspiration for this thread came from a recent momentous moment in Australian History

You need to read the fine details and press reports and international reaction and comments here:-

SatireWire | Australia Gets Drunk, Wakes Up in North Atlantic

eg

Hawaii governor Ben Cayetano.

"They were very friendly — they always seem friendly — but they refused to go around unless we answered their questions. But the questions were impossible.

'Who is Ian Thorpe?

Do you have any Tim Tams?

What day is Australia Day?'"

 

But given that we are apart of this planet; we are sick of being ignored (especially since our recent move)

 

We fight all USA's wars for them.

Who knows that?

 

All our defense expenditure is spent on crappy USA second-hand planes and helicopters etc

(We are still laughing about the helicopters the US sold to the Oz Navy that won't fly over water- good one guys):huh:

The $1.1 billion project has become emblematic of Defence's mismanagement of its procurement budget.

 

Eleven of the maritime aircraft - to operate off the Anzac frigates and equipped with anti-submarine weapons and surveillance technology - were bought in a contract signed in the early years of the Howard Government. Using Vietnam War-era air frames and custom-built

Defeat for Nelson as navy sticks to Seasprite - National - smh.com.au

EG

What the hell is Fall?

The time of year when the leaves fall?

The leaves fall all year here; bark too.

 

So vitamin D deficiency only happens in Northern latitudes ( see Vit D thread)

No. . it is high latitudes north and south.

 

Why is the globe the wrong way up?

Australia should be at the top.

(Bets are being taken now about the reversal of the poles)

 

And What is it with American Football?

They look like sumo wrestlers with all their protective gear.

The wimps need some serious Rugby, Union or Ozzie Rules.

See what a little eye gouging can do to slow up the opposition..

 

So Americans can't understand Cricket.

Is it our fault that 50% of you have below average intelligence?

 

So, we are the only county to eat it's coat of arms.

That is a matter for national pride.

ETC ETC

I leave it to my compatriots to help me here with this fascinating cultural interchange and experiment.

 

As I started the thread I get to choose the rules.

Which are

Any thread has to have a link to Australia (however tenuous).

Preferably it should be amusing, entertaing ,but a good rant (from Ozzies only) is OK

Wiki makes a few staid suggestions

  • # 1 Etymology
  • # 2 History
  • # 3 Politics
  • # 4 States and territories
  • # 5 Foreign relations and the military
  • # 6 Geography
  • # 7 Flora and fauna
  • # 8 Economy
  • # 9 Demography
  • # 10 Culture

But I think we can do better than that.

 

Spot quizzes may appear on other threads to make sure you are awake.

As America now owns all our biscuit (Yes biscuit, the proper name for "cookie")factories questions like

What are Tim Tams?

or

What are Saos?

or

maybe the environmentally significant-

What is a nappy?

or

What is the most famous river-boat race in Australia?

or

Who gave Dame Edna her "Dame-ship"

or

Who is the head of the Australian Government? (See, if you said "Howard" you would be wrong)

 

might suddenly appear; be warned!

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Well why not, we have forums on everything else here I guess the inspiration for this thread came from a recent momentous moment in Australian History You need to read the fine details and press rep

I've gone with the funny option.     You're not Australian 'til...   1) You've mimicked Alf Stewart from the TV show Home and Away's broad, Australian accent, eg. "push off, ya flamin' drongo!"   2)

Well then I guess young girls with big boobs are ok then? It chaps my *** that nudity and porn are assumed to be the same thing too. Is there no end to suppression of human sexuality? Far too many peo

Guest chendoh

:agree: Mate, musta’ been some party! Your still down under. Mate...(wanted to put map here, but haven't figured it out yet)

 

Seriously though…..My tenuous hold, on Australia?

Back in the 80’s. My older brother John (ret. 28years, USA, Col.); served, with distinction, along side the Ozzie’s, in a soldier exchange program, bivouacked near Ayers rock, been to Alice Springs, seen 80%? of your Country, and has the Medal and Citation to prove it!

 

He and his family loved it!:ideamaybenot:

Our Mom and Dad loved it!:sherlock:

Unfortunately, I never made it!:wave:

 

But I did receive, a large piece of black licorice from there.

That was absolutely delicious!! :naughty:

 

That's also how I found out 'bout the didjeridu. Some days I have the lung power, some days I don't...:(

 

I mite make it over, someday.....:doh:

 

Thanks for the memories!:clue:

 

Wanted to add rep, but need to spread.

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What a delightfully bizarre thread. :ideamaybenot:

 

Also to start us off is the ever-enjoyable etiquette in Australia (and New Zealand) article on Wikipedia. Foreigners always get a good chuckle out of it. :sherlock:

 

What a great list (but what's a "new zealand":confused: )

 

This is one that gets on my goat in US movies

Australians are rarely amused by attempts to imitate the distinctive sounds of Australian English,

I forgot about Fanny

Requesting a fanny pack can be considered obscene due to the use of "fanny" as a slang term for female genitalia. "Bumbag" is the acceptable local variation in some areas.

Did they mention that USA people should not call themselves "Chuck" as this is translated. as a "tecnicolour yawn". So if a US type person says "I'll go and get Chuck", this would mean that he can't hold his 'grog' (=alcohol) - a major social gaffe. All Australians can "hold their grog"

( Well, until they up-chuck or have a technicolour yawn)

"Indigenous Australian" and "Aboriginal/Aborigine" are polite terms. "Abo" is considered offensive as is the use of "Coon" and "Boong" or "Boonga".
I am reminded by this that the term "boy" in Oz refers to a young, immature male person of any colour or race.
On busy escalators, particularly those in major train stations it is expected that standing is done on the left, and overtaking on the right. Similarly in a stairway it is expected that one should walk on the left hand side.
This one amuses me as in the tourist precincts in Sydney ( 500 yards around the Opera House) there are huge signs on the road tarmac which say "LOOK LEFT". This for the 50% of Americans with below average intelligence (With that, and the crocks we loose so many.):naughty:

 

On a personal note may I say thank you to the amazingly tolerant, understanding, helpful, careful USA motorists- when I was in the USA- who told me politely that I was driving on the wrong side of the road. Which I only did when going around corners, when tired or drunk.

USA defensive driving skills are good.

Please do not expect the same courtesy and understanding when visiting Australia.

Australians are the best drivers in the world. Anyone who offends the most minor, stated or unstated, road rule will get horns blown at them, aggressively verbally abused, "the finger", or at worst a 'punch up'.

 

Thank you.

NB

(A note to Australian posting on this thread. Please feel free to correct the imperialistic and ignorant spell checker by adding whatever words you think necessary to to its limited dictionary)

The first test is being designed now

eg

Why was the "most famous river boat race in Australia" canceled one year?

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This one amuses me as in the tourist precincts in Sydney ( 500 yards around the Opera House) there are huge signs on the road tarmac which say "LOOK LEFT". This for the 50% of Americans with below average intelligence (With that, and the crocks we loose so many.):sherlock:
And what about those crazy Right Turn lanes in Victoria? I thought I knew how to drive on the wrong side of the road until I went to Melbourne...right turns from the left lane: are you people out of your minds?!? :ideamaybenot:

 

Vegemite with a Fosters chaser,

Buffy

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Guest chendoh

What does the OK hand signal,

(index finger touching thumb, with middle, ring, and little finger in the up position), mean in Oz?

 

Given to a rude driver in some countries in Europe....

Means your an A__Hole.

 

When I give it, it means that everything is as allright as its gona get! For now.

 

I understand your pain, My Mon is Polish,(See what I meam?)..:sherlock:

My Mom is Polish and Dad, Bless his soul, is

Lithuanian.

 

Different strokes for different folks...What makes the world go round.

Eh, mate?...:ideamaybenot:....

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crazy Right Turn lanes in Victoria? Melbourne...right turns from the left lane: are you people out of your minds?!? :ideamaybenot:

Vegemite with a Fosters chaser,

Buffy

Yes. . . well. . . we try not to talk about Victorians . .:sigh: and it is considered gauche to mention the word "Melbourne" in earshot of a Sydney-sider.

 

For those interested in Oz politics ( and WHO wouldn't be?).

The advent of a new political party is big news.

This is a part of their website at

 

SatireSearch - Powering Satire

 

 

Introduction

 

The Irony Party of Australia, though not in the strictest sense an official political organisation, nevertheless represents the fledgling efforts and collusion of some of Australia's most rarefied minds in pursuit of the highest and most onerous offices of Government.

 

Initially our philosophies and policies will clearly reflect the high ideals which we believe carry the greatest kuidos in the Australian community. We. . .

 

. . .

Domestic Policy

 

The Irony Party is not a one issue party, solely focused on Irony and verbal sleight of hand.

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What does the OK hand signal,

(index finger touching thumb, with middle, ring, and little finger in the up position), mean in Oz?

Rarely seen in Australia and best not used, you may be mistaken for a 'Pommie'.

 

A certain rude form of it is used by Greeks.

(Melbourne is the second biggest Greek town in the world).

 

More common is the upthrusting index finger, which I think, is a compliment on your driving skills.

 

With such a multicultural community, occasional, body-language miss-understandings occur.

(Did you hear of the Cronulla riots? Picture below.)

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Now that we have sorted some language road rules and local body language; Here is something for the Yanks.

 

Not only does Australia fight all you wars for you; knowing you are going broke, we have just lent you $51 Billion (AUD; $70cAU =$1US)

This, the proceeds of the last three budget surplices and the sale of the publicly owned "Telsra" back to the public.

(We decided not to spend these- Chinese Economic Miracle Windfall Budgets-on eduction, health, science, research & welfare as they are all rolling in money already)

Prime Minister Howard affectionately know by his adoring fans as "Bonsai" (=little Bush) has set up a fund to ensure future payments of retired politicians and public service pensions. (In case some future Oz government goes broke- you never know with labor in the wings!)

Future Fund managers face Labor grilling

May 22, 2007 -

Treasurer Peter Costello has backed the appointment of a foreign custodian to the nation's $51 billion Future Fund.

 

But managers of the fund face a grilling from Labor senators on Tuesday on the decision to appoint Chicago-based Northern Trust, which has no presence in Australia, as its global custodian.

Future Fund managers face Labor grilling - Breaking News - Business - Breaking News

 

Hailed here as a brilliant stroke of "good-economic management" ( a quality the Howard Government is famous for ); Howard chose the well -respected American Company Northern Trust to administer the fund. Northern Trust is known for the excellent job they do managing pension funds.

Northern Trust was the trustee of the Enron pension fund and some 20,000 employees lost up to $US1.6 billion ($1.95 billion).

Northern Trust wrongly vilified - Future Fund | NEWS.com.au Business

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Some good Australian Radio science reporting

Science Show

 

New tourism campaign based on honesty

"Australia: Too Bloody Expensive and Too Bloody Far."

The Sydney Morning Herald Blogs: Stay in Touch

 

The top song in oz at the moment

Angelina, the Tattooed Lady. 29 May 2007. ABC Sydney. (Australian Broadcasting Corporation)

Podcarst available

Angelina, the Tattooed Lady [You can also hear the song using the links to the right]

 

Angelina, Angelina

Ms Jolie the tattooed lady

She has lips on which you could float

But its whats on her skin that’s worthy of note

Angelina the ink wikipedia

Oh Angelina the queen of tattoo

She got Billy Bob on her arm when he was it

I don’t want to say where she’s got Brad Pitt

Let’s hope he’s the last ‘cos on the next she will sit

Wears her heart on her skin does Angelina

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A more serious moment

 

Drought –

Photos: Drought - The Lab - Australian Broadcasting Corporation's Gateway to Science

Unforgettable sights of a thirsty country remind us of the seemingly endless drought. But dry and variable conditions are common in Australia�s history.

Just how bad is the current drought, and what are the latest stats?

Take the photo journey to see for yourself.

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  • 2 weeks later...

THE LATEST NEWS

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Twenty one million people by the end of the month.

(God knows how many on work permits).

 

We seem to punch far above our weight; or is it an inflated national Ego?

Japan and Australia form security pact

 

Correspondents Report - Sunday, 10 June , 2007

BRENDAN NELSON: The missile defence capability which Japan and the US is developing is specifically for targeted threats that are in the region,

Correspondents Report - Japan and Australia form security pact

 

 

Did Australia demand reversal on natives?

GLORIA GALLOWAY

From Saturday's Globe and Mail

June 9, 2007 at 12:25 AM EDT

 

OTTAWA — Canada's decision to withdraw support for the United Nations Declaration on the Right of Indigenous Peoples coincided with a visit to Ottawa by Prime Minister John Howard of Australia — a country that strongly opposes the declaration.

globeandmail.com: Did Australia demand reversal on natives?

 

As soon as snow begins to fall in the mountains it starts to get cold here. (Not even a frost though where I live)

Not many people know that Australia has ski-fields as big as Switzerland. + a lot of ski fanatics

(Many Americans seem confused by the very fact that it is winter here!?)

Australia ski season gets jump start

Posted on Saturday June 9th 2007 at 1:03 pm

 

It’s the start to the opening of winter 2007 Australia has been waiting for. Snow is currently falling in Perisher Blue and cold temperatures (low of -4.5°C in Blue Cow) have allowed snowmaking in Perisher Valley and Blue Cow from the early hours of today.

 

There is around 4-5cm (two inches) of fresh snow in the village so far today, adding to the natural snow cover from several good pre-season falls and snowmaking that has been going on for the past three weeks.

SKIREBEL Magazine » Blog Archive » Australia ski season gets jump start

 

Seems that more and more so called "funds" management companies are taking over Oz assets. Often to their determent. I doubt if we will ever have the resources to buy them back.

They would have pulled a 5B dollar heart out of Qantas if they managed to get it.

Very much the scenario of the movie "Pretty Woman".

Brookfield Asset Buys Australia's Multiplex for A$4.2 Billion

By Daniel Taub and Fergus Maguire

 

June 12 (Bloomberg) -- Brookfield Asset Management Inc., North America's biggest publicly traded property manager, agreed to buy Multiplex Group for A$4.2 billion ($3.5 billion) as banks and commodities producers in Australia boost demand for offices.

 

The cash bid values Multiplex, builder of London's Wembley Stadium, at A$5.05 a share, 22 percent more than the stock was trading at before a takeover approach was annou

Bloomberg.com: Australia & New Zealand

 

Maybe it cuts two ways?

the media here is increasingly in the thral of big companies. The local radio station broadcasts out of Brisbane 1000 + K away. Didn't even know there were local floods happening.

MELBOURNE, Australia (AP) - Australia's Macquarie Media Group said Tuesday it acquired two U.S. community newspaper publishers with a combined enterprise value of 80.1 million Australian dollars (US$67.6 million; ¤50.6 million).

Macquarie said its wholly owned subsidiary American Consolidated Media has entered into an agreement to buy 100 percent of Superior Publishing Corp., a publisher

Australia's Macquarie Media buys US local newspaper publishers

I had never heard of "force majeure" before

Wikki explains it thus

Force majeure (French for "greater force") is a common clause in contracts which essentially frees one or both parties from liability or obligation when an extraordinary event or circumstance beyond the control of the parties, such as war, strike, riot, crime, act of God (e.g., flooding, earthquake, volcano), prevents one or both parties from fulfilling their obligations under the contract

BHP Billiton declares Australia coal force majeure, prices up

Port Newcastle in Australia

 

BHP Billiton Ltd has declared force majeure on thermal coal shipments from Australia`s Newcastle port because of flooding, with the lost supplies pushing spot coal prices to three-year highs on Tuesday.

 

Rio Tinto, the biggest exporter of thermal coal through the country`s top export terminal, said it had not declared force majeure, though other exporters said they could still do so.

 

The port resumed limited shipments on Tuesday after being shut down on Friday by heavy seas and torrential rain.

Mining Journal Online

 

The Green Party is not happy about another coal mine going in in the Upper Hunter Valley. What Global Warming?

BHP Billiton, Centennial Coal Co Ltd and certain other coal producers, which form the Newcastle Coal Infrastructure Group (NCIG), have won the right to build a new A$500 million ship-loader at Australia’s Newcastle Port, the world’s largest coal-export terminal, to help meet soaring demand.

Mining Journal Online

 

China is angry that local pollies, after a bit of ingenuous dithering, decided to meet the Dali lama (B****R*DS)

Australia demands China respect its democracy

Wed Jun 13, 2007 12:28 PM IST25

By Rob Taylor

 

CANBERRA (Reuters) - Australia demanded China respect its democracy on Wednesday and said Tibet's Dalai Lama was welcome in the country at any time, despite a dressing down from Beijing over the exiled spiritual leader's current visit.

 

Foreign Minister Alexander Downer said the Dalai Lama, on an 11-day tour, was a significant religious figure and it was up to Australians to decide which world figures they met.

 

Prime Minister John Howard is scheduled to meet the Buddhist leader in Sydney on Friday, while Labor Opposition Leader Kevin Rudd met him on Tuesday night, reversing an earlier refusal.

http://in.today.reuters.com/news/newsArticle.aspx?type=worldNews&storyID=2007-06-13T122603Z_01_NOOTR_RTRMDNC_0_India-302865-1.xml&archived=False

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