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Appocolypto


Queso

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haven't seen it and don't plan to. Gibson is a religious freak bigot hack and I hope he chokes on the money he makes on this crap. two thumbs down on dis one buddy! :shrug: :D

To explain a bit about what Turtle means and indicate that he's not alone: Apocalypto is a Christian Parable that has absolutely no basis in historical fact. Unfortunately it is portrayed as being historical in order to suck in as much money as possible from those who would never have gone to see Gibson's Passion of Christ. But nonetheless it is a heavy handed appeal to the superiority of Christianity. An article (by an Anglican Vicar of all people) in The Guardian (UK) describes this best in its description of the final scene (SPOILER WARNING):

The film's final scene is a shocker. As the gorefest plays itself out, a boat rows ashore bringing Spanish conquistadors and a monk holding high a simple cross. The Mayans look on dumbstruck. The old sacrificial system is about to give way to Christianity. Thus Gibson redescribes the genocide conducted by the conquistadors as a morality tale in which Christianity saves indigenous peoples from the Mayan death cult.

 

As for history, its a joke: the Mayans didn't do sacrifice, the Aztecs and the Anasazi further north (Southwestern US) did, but in any case, it was not "farming sacrifices" from poor backwards peoples. The Civilizations of pre-Columbian Central America were all pretty sophisticated and did war against each other, but there was just as much diplomacy and mergers of convenience as you found in Europe at about the same time: the notion that there were one or two very advanced civilizations preying on backwards hunter-gatherers is not just a joke, its down right offensive.

 

If you like good cinematography with lots of blood, rent "The Wild Bunch" or just about any other old Sam Peckinpah movie...

 

Don't feed Mel, :turtle:

Buffy

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* THIS WHOLE POST IS ONE BIG FAT SPOILER *

 

I saw Apocalypto last week, and to tell the truth, I laughed my *** off.

 

This movie takes itself waaaaay too serious for the director to notice glaring errors in logic and continuity. Yep, old Mel hisself.

 

For instance, the one bloke is about to be hacked to pieces by a blood-crazed priest who reckon feeding captives to his bloodlust will make it rain, or something equally brainless. And the very next moment, right as the priest is wielding his axe on high, there's a solar eclipse. Okay, suspension of disbelief is one thing, but solar eclipses do happen. So what's the problem? Not only is this guy incredibly lucky (the priest decides the gods had enough blood - the solar eclipse is a sign of a satiated god, and stops the killing), but that same night, as he's running back to his village, it's a full moon. Now, I know as well as all you other hypographites that eclipses can only happen with a pitch-black new moon, so the suspension of disbelief gets a little harder to achieve and/or justify.

 

So they chase the guy, and there's a lot of blood and gore and bits of people involuntarily falling off untill the end, where the guy who was miraculously saved by a solar eclipse during a full moon, is now miraculously saved by a big, mysterious wooden machine coming from the depths of the sea carrying funny-coloured people. Twice, something happens so at odds with nature that saves this guy's life, that you eventually get the feeling this guy is a god himself, or at least one of the chosen ones. Right at the end, when the Spanish pitch up, the evil sonsabitches chasing our hero turns around and runs away. Not our hero. He stands stock still, facing down the white-skinned invaders. It's probably fitting, since Mel Gibson will also have you believe that this guy can outrun a jaguar. I kid you not. That's part of the plot, as foretold by some mystic little girl who can see the future. Some guy will make the moon disappear and run with jaguars. Or something like that.

 

Cut a long story short, this movie turned out to be an epic comedy of errors. It's worth a watch if only for that.

 

Here's the plot: Evil guys take over village. Guy hides his wife in an empty well. Guys gets captured by evil guys to be offered to their god. After the god had his fill (which is likely, seeing as he ate the whole moon) the guy turns into a running target for the army to practice their shooting, throwing and clobbering skillz. Guy runs away. Guy outruns a jaguar. No ****. Guy meets Columbus. Guy saves wife & kid. Credits.

 

It's crap. But if you really want to roll around laughing hysterically at such glaring errors, you won't be sorry for watching this.

 

...and by the way, I think this being a gorefest is slightly overrated. "Flags of our Fathers" is worse, by far, as far as gratuitous gore is concerned.

 

Then again, this movie should be commended for being a big-studio big-budget big-release that contained only unknown actors. I think that was pretty cool.

 

Also, the scene in which our hero's wife gives birth in the well, is probably one of the funniest moments in movie history. Being unintentional, of course, makes it even funnier. You can actually hear the wet *pop* sound, as the baby shoots out like a little torpedo.

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What I really loved about this movie is the way they portrayed Death. every time someone died they would say "See him out"
What did you love about that?

 

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down, :eek_big:

Buffy

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What did you love about that?

 

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down, :eek_big:

Buffy

 

Nowdays everyone's all afraid of dying and makes this ridiculously huge deal about it. (funerals and cremation and loads and loads of crying and feeling sorry for people ack)

Death is amazing! It will be the most intensely peaceful experience of everyone's entire life.

To simply say "See him out"

Is so wise, and so respectful.

"Travel well, brother"

is precisely what I'd want to hear.

Death sometimes just pops out of nowhere,

like the snake.

I wouldn't want to lay down in a hospital with some Earthly aquaintences around me crying. That would be so stupid I would just die instantly from absurdity. :eek2:

but you know, this is just how I feel.

 

The movie was not historically accurate at all, but who cares?

It's a movie, not a history lesson.

I have this ability to love almost every movie I see,

just because it's a movie, and there's usually SOMETHING good about it.

SOMETHING to laugh at, something to make fun of, whatever.

 

Loved it.

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What I really loved about this movie is the way they portrayed Death.

every time someone died they would say

"See him out"

 

"Travel well, brother..."

 

"And he fell, biting the dust". - Homer (phrase repeated ad nauseum in the Iliad)

 

Just something to think about. :eek_big:

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