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Insecurity


inside the sun

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I really hate this one. I have it, we all have it, just its different for us, and how much we have or don't have it, and how we deal with it. My dad victimizes himself with it, "jesus on the cross" is another term, believes he has to sacrifice himself for others, (nothing against jesus), then i have a friend, or i wouldn't call him to much of a friend because of it, he is overly insecure. But hey, lets get off other people, lets get to me, and what my question is. What are ways of boosting self esteem, not taking things so personally, and being more secure. I mean one, i sobered up, so that should help, cuz i dont have those major ups and downs, and so on, and two i got a girlfriend, which we both have mutual feelings for eachother, and shes beautiful inside and out, but i still get really insecure, and my insecurity could ruin things, i know my fathers has, and my "friends" has, and mine, so yeah. If this makes any sense.

p.s. To me it feels like one way people get over it, is by putting themselves as inferior to others, like standing above, but i really just want equality, i dont want to have thoughts i'm better than this person, just so i feel more secure about myself, i dont want to make others to feel more secure about myself etc....

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Wow, that post is har to understand. Still I'll take my chances with a responce.

 

If you feel inferior to everyone else, simply watch them and you'll soon find they have their flaws as well.

 

If you're insecure with your GF, ponder why it is so. Pehapse she isn't faithful, or pehapse you're just too hung up on her. Relax, there's plenty of fish in the sea, and for some reason they'll always be more interested in someonw who's taken than someone who's not.

 

if you simply feel insecure with your own actions, there's not much to do except learn from your mistakes and keep being you.

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Your insecurity is really just the fact that you don't accept yourself for who you are. Just give yourself a break. None of us are perfect, we all make mistakes, learn from them. Accept the fact that you are who you are and learn to like it. When you are scared to do something because you might mess up, do it anyhow. It's OK to mess up, that's how you learn. Don't worry about what others will think if you mess up, they shouldn't expect you to do everything right the first time. If they do then there's something wrong with them, not you. Basically you just need to learn how to like yourself for who you are. Face life head on, learn from your mistakes and before long you will have the confidence that overcomes insecurity.

 

HTH,

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Many of us have been there, sun. I suffered from depression and isolation a lot in my 20ies. Meeting my wife actually gave me more problems because suddenly I began living very closely with someone, no place to hide. I ended up in therapy and months of sick leave - but eventually I managed to get out of it. I also have a history of moving about all the time, losing friends...plus I had severe asthma as a kid and was sick all the time (well, still am).

 

The really important thing is to make sure you spend time with your friends. Your social network (oh, that sounds sooo clinical) is alpha and omega! Make sure you know which are your closest friends and try to build up the relationship with them. I have only a few friends, but they are very very close to me and we have been good friends for some ten years now.

 

Never give up. Life is too good and there are so many opportunities. You are not worth less than other people. Find out what you really like to do and do that as much as you can. For me, the best way to boost my self esteem is to make sure I have something to "fall" back upon when a bout of depression hits. I tend to sit down and write music or play my guitar, or go see a movie...and call a friend.

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Insecurity is one of the biggest issues I've personally dealt with in my life. For years, I couldn't even get up enough confidence to ask women on dates (thankfully the woman who would become my wife asked me out!). I sit in quiet corners at parties. I stammer when asked to speak publicly.

 

Sometimes even knowing how to overcome something doesn't mean you'll be successful at it all the time. Insecurity is like that for me. I know that the best way to overcome it is to put yourself out on the line. You have to take risks based on your own competence and see that you can succeed.

 

For instance, I once forced myself to play music and sing live in front of an audience. It was very out of character for my shy self to do all that. While I am a musician, I'm one that usually just does recording and never does anything live. The experience was a huge ego boost, though. The only way to fix insecurity that seems to work regularly for me is to do the very things that make me feel insecure and succeed at them.

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