Why do things unnecessary?

[provisional3]

why is it that people tend to do things without any necessary reason (and consistently do them because they feel like it makes them feel better-couldn't this be a decieving thought?)? For instance, making sense somehow that going to the bathroom to relieve something our bodies do naturally...why do we see it necessary to go somewhere privately to do this..? (I've thought of the principles and it all comes to the fulfilling of acceptance I assume) Another way of phrasing: Say your walking down the street and you see someone (who to the physical world) that seems like they need a "pick me up" or however you'd like to think of it...(this person could seem geeky and look lonely or something along those lines) why do people (and I do empathize this feeling, but take an extreme logical approach to it) feel the need to say hi or try and put a smile on someones face? I don't understand the meaning or reasoning for it I feel like assuming someone needs something just by looking at them and knowing nothing about them (really) could be a deception of our senses... and in return if they are feeling lonely (would you be decieving them?) in the sense of them interpreting your saying hello or being nice as something genuine? (when its in fact probably not...? I've found this true for me :/) Anyways... I'd just like to hear your thoughts on it... maybe tell me I'm crazy or something... :) I just need someone to relate to...

[pamela]

originally posed by provisional

why is it that people tend to do things without any necessary reason (and consistently do them because they feel like it makes them feel better-couldn't this be a decieving thought?)?

deceiving whom? Feeling better is good, deceiing ourselves into feeling better.......the other side, feeling rotten but honest. This concept just doesn't feel right to me;)

 

For instance, making sense somehow that going to the bathroom to relieve something our bodies do naturally...why do we see it necessary to go somewhere privately to do this..? (I've thought of the principles and it all comes to the fulfilling of acceptance I assume)

I do not worry about being accepted, it is not important. I accept myself and my actions should convey my respect for others by not providing a view of bodily functions.

Say your walking down the street and you see someone (who to the physical world) that seems like they need a "pick me up" or however you'd like to think of it...(this person could seem geeky and look lonely or something along those lines) why do people (and I do empathize this feeling, but take an extreme logical approach to it) feel the need to say hi or try and put a smile on someones face? I don't understand the meaning or reasoning for it I feel like assuming someone needs something just by looking at them and knowing nothing about them (really) could be a deception of our senses... and in return if they are feeling lonely (would you be decieving them?) in the sense of them interpreting your saying hello or being nice as something genuine? (when its in fact probably not...? I've found this true for me :/) Anyways... I'd just like to hear your thoughts on it... maybe tell me I'm crazy or something... :) I just need someone to relate to...

your smile or hello certainly is not obligatory, but it costs you nothing. What it gives is worth more than gold:)

[provisional3]

your smile or hello certainly is not obligatory, but it costs you nothing. What it gives is worth more than gold:)

 

When I say decieve them I mean your giving them an illusionary reinforcement of some kind (this may give them the idea that your genuine and they then try and make other contact with you) I'm saying I feel something that wants to be nice to these people without having a good reason for doing it and also that I feel like I'd be giving the wrong impression by doing so as well because I'm not genuinely interested I'm just wanting to be nice for the moment... hoping that makes sense :/

[pamela]

well, you are being genuine, you just don't want them to approach you. Would you feel the same if it was a cute chick? ;)would you be interested then? random acts of kindness such as a smile are usually reciprocated with the same. Unless you are winking at them, they usually dont approach. However if you find that a particularly strange one does, simply excuse yourself, and run:D( or at least walk away)

Smiles and laughter are infectious and should be used often.If you choose not to, then you become the sad, not smiling, lonely person that you are describing.

[pamela]

Hello provisional3,

I came across this interview for a book that gives a possible explanation as to what is behind the need to smile at strangers and thought you might be interested. Here are a few excerpts that I found interesting

 

A psychologist probes how altruism, Darwinism and neurobiology mean that we can succeed by not being cutthroat.

 

KELTNER: “Born to be good” for me means that our mammalian and hominid evolution have crafted a species—us—with remarkable tendencies toward kindness, play, generosity, reverence and self-sacrifice, which are vital to the classic tasks of evolution—survival, gene replication and smooth functioning groups. These tendencies are felt in the wonderful realm of emotion—emotions such as compassion, gratitude, awe, embarrassment and mirth. These emotions were of interest to Darwin, and Darwin-inspired studies have revealed that our capacity for caring, for play, for reverence and modesty are built into our brains, bodies, genes and social practices. My hopes for potential readers are numerous. I hope they learn about the remarkable wisdom of Darwin and the wonders of the study of emotion. I hope they come to look at human nature in a new light, one that is more hopeful and sanguine. I hope they may see the profoundly cooperative nature of much of our daily social living.KELTNER: The vagus nerve is part of the parasympathetic autonomic nervous system. It is a bundle of nerves that originates in the top of the spinal cord, it activates different organs throughout the body (heart, lungs, liver, digestive organs). When active, it is likely to produce that feeling of warm expansion in the chest, for example when we are moved by someone’s goodness or when we appreciate a beautiful piece of music. University of Illinois, Chicago, psychiatrist Steve Porges long ago argued that the vagus nerve is a care-taking organ in the body (of course, it serves many other functions as well). Several reasons justify this claim. The vagus nerve is thought to stimulate certain muscles in the vocal chamber, enabling communication. It reduces heart rate. Very new science suggests that it may be closely connected to oxytocin receptor networks. And it is unique to mammals.

 

Our research and that of other scientists suggests that the vagus nerve may be a physiological system that supports caretaking and altruism. We have found that activation of the vagus nerve is associated with feelings of compassion and the ethical intuition that humans from different social groups (even adversarial ones) share a common humanity. People who have high vagus nerve activation in a resting state, we have found, are prone to feeling emotions that promote altruism—compassion, gratitude, love, happiness. Arizona State University psychologist Nancy Eisenberg has found that children with elevated vagal tone (high baseline vagus nerve activity) are more cooperative and likely to give. This area of study is the beginning of a fascinating new argument about altruism—that a branch of our nervous system evolved to support such behavior.

 

DISALVO: Oftentimes we learn about intriguing academic work being done on emotions, morality and related areas, but are left asking, “OK, but how do we do any of this? Is there anything we can make actual use of here?” Looking down the road, what do you want the impact of your work to be out in the world?

 

KELTNER: I have always felt that our science is only as good as the truthful rendition of reality that it provides and the good that it brings to our species. In summarizing the new science of emotion in Born To Be Good, I was struck by how useful this science is. The ancient approaches to ethics and virtue—for example, found in Aristotle or Confucius—privileged things such as compassion, gratitude and reverence. A new science of virtue and morality is suggesting that our capacities for virtue and cooperation and our moral sense are old in evolutionary terms, and found in emotions that I write about in Born To Be Good.

 

And a new science of happiness is finding that these emotions can be readily cultivated in familiar ways, bringing out the good in others and in oneself. Here are some recent empirical examples:

 

Meditating on a compassionate approach to others shifts resting brain activation to the left hemisphere, a region associated with happiness, and boosts immune functions.

 

Talking about areas of gratitude, in classrooms, at the dinner table or in the diary, boosts happiness and social well-being and health.

 

Experiences of reverence in nature or around morally inspiring others improves people’s sense of connection to others and sense of purpose.

 

Laughing and playing in the face of trauma gives the person perspective upon life’s inevitable difficulties, and improves resilience and adjustment.

 

Devoting resources to others, rather than indulging a materialist desire, brings about lasting well being.

This kind of science gives me many hopes for the future. At the broadest level, I hope that our culture shifts from a consumption-based, materialist culture to one that privileges the social joys (play, caring, touch, mirth) that are our older (in the evolutionary sense) sources of the good life. In more specific terms, I see this new science informing practices in almost every realm of life. Here again are some well-founded examples. Medical doctors are now receiving training in the tools of compassion—empathetic listening, warm touch—that almost certainly improve basic health outcomes. Teachers now regularly teach the tools of empathy and respect. Executives are learning the wisdom around the country of emotional intelligence—respect, building trust—that there is more to a company’s thriving than profit or the bottom line. In prisons and juvenile detention centers, meditation is being taught.

 

Forget Survival of the Fittest: It Is Kindness that Counts: Scientific American

[Michaelangelica]

I remember reading John Steibeck's book,"Travels with Charlie" about 45 years ago (I was going though my "read all of Steinbeck" phase) This is his worst book by far.

But the ONE thing I remember is the story and question he posed Thus:-

 

He is at a boat show/shop? I think standing idly by about. He noticed that everyone who came up to the boat knocked on the hull as you would knock on someone's door.

A few sharp knocks. He watched and saw this behaviour all over.

Why do people (men?) do this?

 

(Some of the boats were not made of wood)

[predictability]

He is at a boat show/shop? I think standing idly by about. He noticed that everyone who came up to the boat knocked on the hull as you would knock on someone's door.

A few sharp knocks. He watched and saw this behaviour all over.

Why do people (men?) do this?

 

(Some of the boats were not made of wood)

 

Isn't that a form of courtesy ingrained in us since youth? To announce our presence to others I mean.

[Michaelangelica]

Isn't that a form of courtesy ingrained in us since youth? To announce our presence to others I mean.

Sorry, I need to explain the scenario a little better.

 

The boats were not in the water.

There was no one inside them.

They were on display, "on sale", on dry land, in a display-hall/shop.

[freeztar]

It seems to me that it is a fundamental test of integrity. If the boat collapses upon knocking (or your fist goes through the material, whatever it is), the boat is not really worth buying. :doh:

 

It is kinda silly though. :)